Scrummy.

#126 Because I Want A Proper Closure

2006-12-13T10:49:00.000-08:00

This blog is DEAD. Go here.

#125 I Mean This From The Bottom Of My Heart

2006-10-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

Wah God ah, Windez is super blur. So much to see, know, understand, apply. 1 word, faith.

Through it all, You lift me up and take me to the skies.

#124 GOD!

2006-10-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

Stop! STOP! STOP THE TIME! Oh God. Effectively ONE more day to CG. I am so not prepared. EEEEEEEK. Can I have 1 more week of practice? Pretty please...? No...

No no no. I am so nervous... And what's with that sly smile over your face Jason! You're not helping... *grumbles*

I want to rest some more! Argh. UT tomorrow. 2 meetings back to back. SOW. CG prep. Final Confirmation. Eeeeeeeeek.

Then someone comes by and says, "Have faith. Like what you said, do your best and let God do the rest."

Oh boy.

*edit*

Oh yah. RP1 --> The Men. Get that straight.

- 9 now. let's add 2 to the number this saturday. TWO! It will be DONE!

#123 Woohoo!

2006-10-09T00:12:00.000-07:00

A few things I am really interested in:

(a) The Sabbath In Contemporary Christian Life

Thank God for Jasmine Poon! She raised a very interesting point regarding Sabbath in modern day.

Genesis 2:2-3 By the seventh day God had finished the work He had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all His work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He rested from all the work of creating that He had done.

1. What is the importance of having a rest day?
No one is superhuman; in fact, we tire out easily. After a day of hard work we long to lie down on our cosy bed and stretch! Let the wave of drowsiness overcome us and rest in deep sleep. In contemporary context, we see the pace of life has moved up several notches beyond the past. Without adequate rest, we run the risk of burning out.

2. How do we take time off for a Sabbath in our busy schedule?
This needs careful planning and deliberate putting off unimportant things for important rest. I like to use the High Importance, High Urgency/ High Importance, Low Urgency/ Low Importance, High Urgency/ Low Importance, Low Urgency Model for determining what can and needs to (ironically) be put off. But WAIT! Before you go take your rest, there's just one more thing to do...

3. What do we do with the Sabbath time to make it worthwhile?
Depending on your situational and long-term needs. I like taking a whole day off, dividing it up between rest, seeking God and reading resources that build me. Ultimately, this Sabbath time must fit in with the whole long term plan you have for yourself and possibly your group.

Now with that all done, I think it's pretty safe to go get some quality rest now... :)

****

(b) Multiplying, not just adding, to what I have now, by doing church as a team! It's already effective when you've made it a lifestyle, a personal one; but I gleam to think at the prospects when this lifestyle is snowballed by cooperative action among a group of believers who support each other strongly. Makes Rambo seem like a kid's movie.

And you know what? I've no doubts in the future. Only plans and hope.

#122 GRRRRRRRRRR

2006-10-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

Two can play this game okay! You want to mess up RP?

I can't sleep. I absolutely cannot sleep. Sheeps are crying out to be saved. Shepherds to be raised. A life for You.

Ben Au Ze Ming. You're a good bro. You will make it...

God! Even the seeds are screaming out to be saved!

#121 CLM

2006-10-07T09:46:00.000-07:00

Was awesome. The CLM that is. A piece of the puzzle I am, an obedient one I will be. I want to be greater. In Him that is. Was starving when I got out. Thank God for Ben's pineapple tart. I felt better.

Nel's farewell was pretty teary-eyed. She's an awesome leader, very inspiring. All the times we went to Serangoon for CG, and prayer meets with TP. Initiative, love, concern, care, excitement, Spirit-leading, joy, peace, even the black eye liner. I really enjoyed and somehow missed the times spent laming with her and building the group. It's a hard thing parting with her, but I know deep down, deep, deep down, we're never apart. For God's people are binded by Spirit. Am totally excited for you, Nel... *teardrop*

Had a good time of sharing with Tobias on the way home. Then straight after I reached home, I've come back to the battlefield. The enemy never sleeps, never stops planting seeds of bad fruit in the hearts of God's people. That's why discipleship and reponding to it is so important; we need to identify these seeds of bad fruit and weed them out. Correction is tough, correction is hard to accept, but correction is eternal outlook-based.

It is just so, so, so, so extremely hard discipling a person. So hard to correct a person, so hard to put into context something for a person to see, so hard convincing my heart that they will be able to stand the correction and so hard trying not to compromise. I love them so much, it hurts. Hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts! Then God comes it and exchanges it with compassion. And I keep wondering how God always does that for me. Always.

My heart goes out to everyone whom the haze is affecting. Jovin's got a rash. Alvin's got a load of rashes. Jason and Martin's health isn't that good. I'm pretty amazed I am not affected, because medical history-wise, I'm the frailest of my family, getting sick every year. I really, really want to pray for healing for them.

RP WILL GROW, RP WILL GROW! All through the service I was filled with the images of the RP people, past and now, and my heart cried out for more. People like Martin, Jason and Nehemiah can go a long way in God's kingdom. You all can make it! Life with God is special, because it is forever! Gambate!

Leadership is influence. I can't get it out of my mind, ever since the CTM with RP1 just now. It's so elementary yet so important. Each time you interact, you influence. And each time you influence, you lead. Choose to lead well.

RP UL
Tim Alv.
RP1
Martin, Jason, Nehemiah, Heng Yu, Dao, Alen, Windez. Men of God
RP2
Sharon, Avril, Mei Yun, Krystal, Jovin, Wei Jian. Women & Men of God

We'll see more. Shepherd me, Lord.

#120 Mooncake Festival Celebration!

2006-10-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

A learning experience for myself.

Meanwhile, I want to celebrate a few people.

1. Ben, who just quite RP and is going to TP. He will be dearly missed even though we had little chance to converse and share life. Will really be praying that he sees himself grow so much in FCBC. Even though we may not be in the same campus now, we'll still chat, support each other and grow together. See you at the finishing line, and thank God for you and your encouragement bookmark... :)

2. Alen, the bro that got saved last Saturday. Very sincere, very on the ball. Language barrier? Not a chance. I'm so glad that knowing him has gotten me so much more interested in my Mother Tongue now; I've even been praised by a RP acquaintance who's from China about my second language! Quite a miracle for the "yellow on the outside, white on the inside" Windez. And as a result, my dialect improved overall. (p.s. good news, we share the same interest in "Ultraman" :x)

3. Timothy Alvin. We kind of led the Mooncake Celebration just now. He was super ultra really tired but he sent an sms to his dear sheep (that's me!) to encourage me after the event. I thank God for him and pray that he'll jump so much further on that he can lead and grow the group so much more than it is now. I'll be a faithful armour-bearer!

4. Liyan. Dotz la, she's funny and theatrical. And I thought I was the only one who can go bonkers from a serious attitude. Okay... This is sister and leader here has a great phobia for all things furry (thankfully not hairy, or we'll all be her greatest fear). Ironically, she has a "passion" for cockroaches (and I think, spiders?) But all in all, her faith and trust in God really rubs off onto me. Jia you, thank God for you, for always encouraging me!

5. Toby, from adults group. Met him in MM room while fixing stuff for the Church Anniversary. What an awesome hearted bro he is! Lends me things, informs me about stuff, etc. He goes all out to help me grow! So glad to have you as a brother in Christ!

6. Yan Xiang. One of the first few RP guys I got to know in Hope. Been there, done that. Now he's a little less hairy after entering NS, but he's still as much a gentle giant now as before. Loves to help, loves to provide. Jia you in your growth. Some stuff should be settled, but I believe in you bro!

7. Sheeps, Core Team, Care Group, Ministry, Family, Friends... and so on, so many I can't write out tonight!

I just want to sing of Your greatness. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Faithful and Faith-filled.

#119 You Are God

2006-10-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

You save.
You love.
You sustain.

What more can I say?

When I didn't think enough of You, You thought the world of me. And You gave me men, men greater than the world because they love You. And I love You, and I love them. God let RP1 have a revival Spirit and one that sustains and inspires. Let my sins be of no stumbling block to Your plan. Martin, Jason, Nehemiah.

You gave us 4 Cs.
CG
CLM
CTM
CTR

#118 ...

2006-10-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

I've overstretched myself. Just gave up on a super frustrating Maya project. Didn't help that I had to do it up with a touchpad. Darn. Peter and Steven were commenting that my eyes were bloodshot at Nexus. Can't bother to take a look at the mirror now. Need sleep. Need time. Need energy. Need focus. Can't forget everything on my hands. Life is too precious.

Am I doing too much? Am I going too fast? Alen led his very first Grace on 3/10/06. Awesome. Today he asked me which book to start reading in the Bible. He's going to grow big and strong. And I'm going to improve on my discipleship.

Wen Hui, Lewis, Joshua, let's see who's the next to know God this Saturday.

Reliability.
Accountability.
Biblicality.

Let's build it together, RP1. Get things done efficiently. Be faithful to the lives in our hands.

Disciplers feel more hurt correcting their disciples than the latter feels anger. I only just wish you'd know I'm not here to nag.

What's up?:
6/10/06 RP Mooncake Festival Celebration
7/10/06 Service(Work Part 2)
11/10/06 RP1's VERY FIRST CG!
13/10/06 Evangelistic Dinner with Contacts at you-know-where!

#117 Fear And Anticipation

2006-10-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

Less pride.
Less assumptions.
More Spirit.
More Anointing.

I start to realise I'm getting further and further away from the wants and desires of my nature. Seemed pretty uncomfortable at the start, but I'm getting the hang of it. And we're seeing bigger things happen in RP than before. Bigger, better.

Want to celebrate the testimony of Alen, RP's new believer. What's so amazing is that I directly shared Christ to him last Wednesday and he came on Saturday, to receive Christ that very day. An amazing miracle! And we jumped for joy...

When one comes to receive the Lord, the whole heaven rejoices...

Want to also take this time to thank God for Liyan and Tim. Liyan for her sturdy guidance and support and Tim for his trust and advice. I feel so blessed. God is awesome in this place.

Excited for tomorrow! Excited for Thursday, Friday, Saturday!

#116 Suddenly I Think..

2006-09-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

Will I sing for You Jesus, or in awe of You be still.

I remember the times I felt dry.
I remember the times I felt burdened.
I remember the times I felt ecstatic.
People go through a tumble of emotions.
But I always want to come back to the basics, what's inside.

When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come.

If life was a kidnapping incident and Jesus paid the ransom, how come the people have been so used to living under the kidnapper that they refuse to go back home? Or maybe they do, but their so used to the voice of thee kidnapper and have forgotten the One that paid for their release. But still God is faithful...

Measured out the universe and You made me.

I've only just begun to see the miracles God has done. A backslided brother returning to God, a direct sharing bearing fruits, touching lives in one encounter, feeling so loved as I sit here that I can't help but want to spread it around. If at my deathbed, I really really wonder, what will go through my mind as I step into eternity.

He called me by my name, when God ran.

I think the people in my life will flash by.
I think the things in my life that matter will come out strongly.
I think the things in my life that didn't will stick out like a sore thumb.
I don't like what pleasures I've obtained will come into mind.
I think I will start to think about the people in my life who were not saved.
I think I would worry for the ones I love.
I think I would pray for them greatly.
I think I would understand many things which before I never could.
I think I would be thankful for the vision from so long ago.
I think I would proclaim that He is God.

Won't you come and heed your Father's cry...

#115 When I Think Back

2006-09-28T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the way things happen. I reminisced about my very first year in RP and in Hope as I jump through the many many blogs that I came across from before. I still have my friendster blog, and its a blessing I didn't delete it yet. The bad hair days (I still have them), the wrong choices, the people who have once etched a memory in my life and gone past, the inspirations that grow dusty with time. Yet, I can't help but realise the bulk of what I remember lay this year. I'm not saying my 1st year was boring or not memorable or what. It's just, I don't know, when I start to see myself as part of the awesome plan, doing something, its clearer in my mind.

The people, the core team, they are a part of my make-up. Jason Nehemiah, Jason, Jovin, Sharon, Martin, Alvin. I can't help but think about them over and over again each day. Leaders to the rest of the flock. We need to grow ourselves well; only then will we be ready to protect and nurture the flock. People who have left, they left for reasons. I'm pretty confident if they come back now, we'll see a different outcome. Annointing comes with a price that hurts our carnal nature in the short term, but ultimately brings us a step closer to God's presence. It's true, each time a testing comes, I cling on just barely. God asks beyond what our human effort can give. And that's the condition for miracles to appear.

God, how do I give all my heart totally to You and not leave any part of it to someone else? You know what's my desire, and You know my situation.

#114 ...

2006-09-28T04:07:00.000-07:00

Oh God give Your servant a sign of assurance. Give me strength, for I do not wish, nor know not to fight on my own strength. Give me consistency and refresh my spirit day by day. I will not be felled. God You said everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, I can't find that reason at all. But then it dawns upon me; You are the reason.

I want to be strong for You.

Those prophecies...

#113 A Triple Post

2006-09-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd explain what I learnt from the mega games.

I really thought hard about what lessons I can learnt. I'll first describe how the game is played.

There are two teams of beyond 20 players each.
Each team selects a Commander, a Sub-Commander/Advisor
The Commander assigns waterguns to 10 selected players.
The rest get water bombs and paper bullets.
Each player gets a water balloon, that is his/her life.
No aiming of vital parts.

The game is played in a grid of 19x7 square boxes each measuring roughly 1m x 1m. A life-sized dice is rolled and the subsequent number will reflect the amount of movement actions a team can make. For eg. if six is rolled, the Commander can choose 6 players in his/her team to move 1 step each, or 1 player to move 6 steps, or something similar.

To me, this is what I've got:

Each team is a Unit of leaders. The Commander is the UL, who charts the direction and encourages the team by routinely shouting the slogan.
The Sub-Commander is the Core Team of the Commander, who advises and drafts alternative plans/considerations. An Aide to the Commander.
Players are the Unit members who are fundamental in making the Unit what it is.

Everyone should initially agree on an identical communication channel. For example, if one hand is raised, all the rest stop talking for the person. Leaders know when to talk and when to keep quiet.
Instructions to players should be followed with obedience, because even though the Commander does not know everything (what the enemy is going to move, result of the game), what he/she does is making what he/she feels is the best course of action. With the birds'-eye view, the Commander is in the most strategic position for organising battle-plans.

The game is biased towards aggresive play, because an either/or victory is sought.

#112 3 People

2006-09-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

Just read Nel's blog here. I cried.

To Nel:
I often remember how many times I made you angry, or disappointed or sad. I always wanted to live up to the role of a CL and leader. I've learnt through the camp, though, that that's not what I'm supposed to do that. I've to be led and grown into the role. Led by the Spirit, and grown into a leader. God has always reminded me that time is limited. I won't blame my personality or what. I should take the responsibility. I really really really really really really really really look up to you as a leader and model for my life and want to become a leader, if only I can share the life transformation testimony that God meant for everybody. I won't waste anymore time le. Alvin's chicken pox really got me thinking. No more distractions.

And then I went on to Liyan's blog. My apologies for being a silent visitor. I'm really looking forward to evangelism tomorrow. I know I do not have as much faith as I want to have, but I'll grasp as much as I can and bring it to the frontline. After hearing from Alvin (through the phone), about several leaders, I can't help but wish that I could be like them. Nevertheless, I'm positive about the future, because I know where God wants me to be and for what. There will be trials ahead. I pray that I can stand up to them...

Concurrently, I was talking to Heng Yu.

If there's a deeper love I can grow for my sheeps, I'd love to grow it. If there's anything more that I can do for my sheeps, I'd love to do it. Not hard being stumped sometimes. Not easy trying to pick up and reconsider. But everytime I think of where Heng Yu will be if not for God, I dread to give up. God help this shepherd help his sheep. I'm glad to take up any challenges and problems. Fear is a common problem. Faith is uncommon valour.

My pastoral is key.

#111 The Poly/DI Leadership Camp!

2006-09-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

Touched. Anointed. Granted vision. Grateful. Miracle. Mould.

I love Jesus. If I could video record every single emotion, thought etc I've gotten in the camp, I'd be jumping for joy, delirious at capturing the very experience I'd prayed for for a long time.

I love the camp committee team. We're a bunch of God-loving, good-hearted people who love to serve others. And I know for sure, I am inexperienced. Nevertheless, God grew us in power because of what He has in store for us.

I love the workshop. Thank God for Sam. Thank God for experiential learning. I always was the theory paper lover. Rarely had I a chance to learn experientially and actually get it. And I am confident of how I am a part of God's plan.

I love the teachings. Vision, Anointing, Character. What more needs to be said? I'm really excited for all the CLa/CL s. We're so looking forward to a breakthrough! I can sense the enthusiasm. A little word; Be confident in God, power will be given through the Spirit.

I love the miracles.
Clearing out the guys dorm in record time. God really is moving.
The way the little bumpy things smoothen themselves out.
A culinary contribution from Windez that is more than edible.
A burden for servanthood and a desire for miracle-doing.
A prayer breakthrough.

And I've made some choices for myself, that I know will best build the Kingdom of God.

Above all, it starts within me. A leader can't ask anyone else to do what he doesn't want to do. I didn't take a walk in the park today. I took a walk with God's people. We did life together.

But above all, I'm thankful you blessed my shepherd with improved condition. Even though he wasn't there, it feels he's learnt something as well!

Deeper in love with You. Worship and faith breaks all pretentions before the Word of God.

And for those prophecies, I'm truly terrified, but God is with me.

#110 And You Make It Real

2006-09-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

Anniversary video. Leadership Camp. Woohoo, life's getting more hectic.And interesting.

I still remember in the start of the RP holidays, I asked God for things to do. At that time I was very annoyed by the fact that I was wasting away time; now only do I realise, the problem doesn't lie with what I am given, but what I notice to do. And I learnt it the hard way.

I'll have to admit I let my emotions and laziness affect me through the course of the anniversary video, so much so that I drained myself so much. Well at least God saved me at the very end. It was a breakthrough not only in terms of my editing technique, but also the realisation of what was wrong with my character.

And then came the time when I was questioned about what I was doing. No, really, I mean, what am I doing??? I couldn't find the answer. And I was rebuked. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I wasn't satisfied with what effort I was doing, but at least I did do my best at that point in time.

And then it came. Hard and fast. My shepherd's stricken with chicken pox. I mean, it may have been a really normal thing, to be inflicted by an illness. But the debilitating illness had really caused me to think. Am I living my life for eternity? If that was the way I were to live my life, I knew I'd regret at my deathbed.

I've been blessed with very encouraging brothers and sisters around. Really. Martin, ahahaha, we might not have gotten along well in the early days, perhaps because of my hyper-activity and "ku ku-ness", but at least he's warming up to me. And both Jasons are awesome. The realisation that the door to my destiny lies in God's plan is one thing. The realisation that the key to this door is my heart is another.

It's not enough to do just for honouring your shepherd, or to maintain your CG. A core-team member/CLa should aim to operate like a CL, and a CL should aim to operate like a UL. That's the only way, in my view of things. Because if you don't make sure you go up in God, the devil's going to make sure you go down.

I want to have a bigger heart for people.
I want to be less emotional.
I want to value people more.
I want to cry for every drop of tear I let God shed.
I want to do it. I can do it.
I want to lead by example.
I want to sacrifice, but all I desire is mercy.
I want to become us, a team.

And here's the time to thank God for the wonderful people encountered during these few weeks.

1. Steven, Toby and the rest of those who helped me in the anniversary dance production.
2. Lennon and the rest of the leadership camp committee. We're going to be servants for the rest of the leaders!
3. Liyan! Even before the official shuffle, she's been an awesome friend and leader! Thanks for the advice and encouragement! Look forward to building RP with ya and Tim!
4. The RP team. We are a team. Let's dream a team's dream. Build a team's vision. Finish a team's victory. I've realised one thing; I can't imagine life without RP ministry. I'm a sucker at speech, but ya all feel the heart ba.
5. Jasmine, she's been awesome in imparting her confidence into me, through little gestures!
6. Nel, you don't know how much we're going to miss the Watermelon... NP and TP, ya all better treasure her! wahahaha

And I've got an upcoming DVD project to look forward to! My very first DVD authoring role, but I hope God will bless! Then I can help Tertiary with future DVD authoring projects! Score 1 for Jesus in Media! :)

And now, back to work for Jesus, A purpose in perspective.

#109 On A Tuesday Morning

2006-09-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

I'll never know how much it costs to see my sin upon the Cross...

It's not about self-discovery, it's about Spirit-discovery.

You know something cool? Well on Sunday, I went to Nexus. The journey was relatively uneventful and the weather seemed fine. However, I came out of Somerset station only to see a heavy downpour distrupt the final leg of my journey. It was already late in the afternoon and I was worried I couldn't get there on time to do any work. After doddering around Specialist Shopping Centre, I decided to pray in faith for the rain to stop. The rain lightened but I thought, "that's not enough..." Not longer than 1 minute later, the rain reduced to a drizzle and I dashed through as the green man came on. I didn't have to; the rain stopped completely (I think, because I didn't feel the rain at all)!

I made my way past Centrepoint into Cuppage dry. As I reached the 6th floor, I saw a brother leaving for home. He came back promptly; there was a heavy downpour and he came back for an umbrella. o_O"!

I came to You in weakness, You gave me strength and consolation. Now I want to share it all around!

#108 Hmmm...

2006-09-10T00:12:00.000-07:00

o_O *clears away the cobwebs*

Some musings:

A day full of reflection.
Knots in my stomach.
Things to ponder about; within and beyond ministry.
A little bit more victory against that engine deterioration I feel each holiday, but still too little in my opinion.
Annointing I wish to bring glory to.

A mask to unveil.
A body to heal.
A vision to craft.
A God to seek.

Got to know the MM team upstairs during these few days I've been working on the Anniversary Dance clip. SIX MORE DAYS! A R G H ! I even got to know a sister who's going to facilitate in RP very soon! ;)

Had a taste of Adobe Premiere Pro on Thursday. Have been working on it almost everyday ever since. :D And I'm glad I've almost cured my addiction of MSN through sheer abstinence!

The past few days have been very trying on my confidence. Failed projects, over-enthusiastic goals... It's taught me to sit down, reflect and really prioritise.

High priority, high urgency?
High priority, low urgency?
Low priority, high urgency?
Low priority, low urgency?

Laptop's down for the count, internet-wise. I'm officially "grounded" offline if I decide to use it.

Oh God. I need a miracle. I need to concentrate & I need a miracle.

#107 A Turn Of Events

2006-09-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

...Honestly, I feel like killing, cursing, screaming, mutilating etc, whichever is easiest. My laptop is infected with over 50 trojans, over 50 adware and dozens of other nonsense. I've officially given up on use my laptop for anything online; am using my PC to fix this blog post. And because for the past 3(ish) consecutive days my bro has been on the PC in Maplestory, I was stuck without my beloved blog. Cheers to all who loyally visit my blog. It's alive again!

In an interesting turn of events, I see myself literally revived. I realised how true is it that when we truly desire, even in our lack of desire, God can grant us desire to desire. Deep? =X Ah well, anyway I was about to update another post full of how I lost every single mahjong round yesterday, save the last two rounds, and what I did for the past few days, including the usual rant about how limited my time was when I decided to stop, and hear what God had to say to me...

It's amazing how God teaches us a lesson that we thought we learnt the first time. Then He comes by with the same lesson in another form and we fail miserably. And we realise we've still got a distance to cover. My engines always slow down in the hols, so I really thank God for the holiday crush I have right now. Crammed up to holy business, to keep me from going rusty. I do need that regular kickstart here and there, but at least I'm kept on my toes. After just sitting back and observing today, I mean, I've made some interesting observations. And I thank God for Himself, as well as the people who have not given up on me all these while; sometimes it just comes to a point when I tell God, I'm stuck. And thank God He answers.

Tomorrow's another day full of activities and I pray that I don't forget the essence of life and end up slogging for the temporal. I'm easily satisfied. Let it not be that I'm satisfied now only to regret later. Oh and Jesus loves you, everyone of you.

Good news. I feel more alive now than I did for the past 1 week. Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.

#106 Eeek!

2006-08-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I was really encouraged by Lennon just now. Ha ha, I see what you mean now Alvin, empower by confidence. Seeing strengths. Funny how I didn't get it when you explained it to me; I needed to experience it for myself. Tomorrow's plan's going to be much better than today. I'm quite pleased with today's camera shots; we'll do it even better tomorrow!

There's no more time, so I'm quite fidgety over the shooting and editing. Better go pray hard tonight, then work hard tomorrow. Really thank God for my facilitator, Luke, who vouched for me; otherwise I'd never get the chance to use the school's equipment. I don't want to use Adobe Premiere; I can't get along with it! LOL.

The holidays are pretty much draining me out physically, but very empowering to my personal drive. I enjoy doing what I am doing. Never mind the deadlines are tight; God can work miracles! A breakthrough in my work attitude! Please please please...

And the two Jasons and Heng Yu have come up with an anti-lame charm against me. *1, 2, 3, Oh haha* YOU'VE ABSOLUTELY GOTTA SEE THEM IN ACTION! It's so irritating LOL...

Sigh...

#105 The Lord Will Not Give More Than I Can Take!

2006-08-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

So much projects to do! I'm excited, but nervous too. It's the first time I'm having so many videos and other stuff planned out. Video is a priority, but I recognise the need for recreation too! I'm going to get burnt out if I don't slot in some time to rest. My ailing body's the most obvious sign!

Had a wonderful mahjong session at Darryl's house today. What can I say; when I win, I win big. Otherwise, I don't win at all! LOL. Had a super long ride home; around 1 hour plus on the bus from Lavender to Jurong Interchange, then a 40min walk all the way back home because I missed the last train and last connecting bus. =/ Ah well, trained my legs!

Creepy trail I tell you. It's like it's all quiet and suddenly a bus comes from behind with the horrendously loud noise it makes. Gave me the creeps. I kept recalling Scripture and singing out loud praise and worship songs to keep myself together LOL. It didn't help my phone kept vibrating each time I received an sms. LOL... And just when I thought it was safer, after reaching Bukit Batok station, I saw this creepy looking black cat with shiny eyes staring directly at me as I walked the "ulu" shortcut home. Sent chills down my spine, and I retorted by singing louder. Never mind I didn't sound good, because there was no one else around. I reached home safe and sound and praised God for that LOL.

Starting the ball rolling is one thing. Maintaining it is another. Let me maintain the momentum! And I will not fall to carelessness.

#104 Retribution!

2006-08-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

Retribution! Because I always tease my shepherd I guess. I've got a nose that never stops flowing. *random* A land flowing with milk and honey.

Okay that was no link. Never mind. Anyway, as I was saying, I marveled at how Alvin could use tissue paper at the rate of one (or more) borrowed packets of tissue per day just cleaning his mucus. *eek!*

And guess who he borrows them from? Yours truly. I used to think half a packet per day should have been enough to clog his nostrils. Guess those slimy liquids overcome all obstacles slowly and steadily eh?

Anyway was super sick today. I've absolutely got to read up on my bio textbook; I think it's spelt somewhere that not sleeping for 48 hours will cause me to fall ill.

Anyway, as I was saying in the last post, the E26P turned out to be fun, black label and all (I'm so in love with Black Label now! Get me a bottle!), I had work, of which half the earnings went to tithe and offerings and the other a dinner treat for Jerrome. So I was sickly today. Woke up at 8am, but only managed to get out of my bed at 12pm. Managed to get the strength to somehow take a panadol and rush off. Felt dopey all through!

Glad I had infocounter duty today. Don't know how I could jump about praising God with weak knees and a weak head to boot.

And I had bee hoon madness when I reached home. I had earlier requested that some bee hoon be left for me. I returned home to have like the equivalent 5 or more plates of bee hoon left for me. Finished most of it. Mom's finishing the remains of my binging right now.

I wanna be a film-maker!

#103 E26P Chalet!

2006-08-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

E26P Chalet started off boring. My fault, I didn't put much effort joining in. I was like building sandcastles in the air! Thanks Gerald for the initiative; kept grabbing me to join in! Wahaha. In the end it was rather memorable. The Cap'n's Ball game and "the booze game" (I call it). Drank a whole lot of shots, absolute vodka and blacklabel, with peanuts to accompany. Fun! I was like delirious in the morning, because I couldn't get to sleep after that... Insomnia attack!

Ended up going to work in a slightly tipsy state. Psycho-ed myself that I was alert. Managed to fool my body! Wahahaha. After that I joined Jovin(a) and Zul to get a highlight at Bedok. Only Zul streaked his hair. EVERYBODY SAY HELLO TO THE RED ROOSTER! Wahahaha!

Jovin a.k.a Helmet Hair went to Novena for his own highlight, to a much more appealing result. Jerrome and I spent quality shepherding time together. Shared our class videos and everything; we've even planned a portfolio-building schedule for the coming week! Which reminds me, Red Rooster, we're going shopping on Tuesday! I want that denim jacket!

Doodle...

#102 Dad's Birthday!

2006-08-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

Dad's birthday! I gave him two presents!

1. Chupa Chups lollipop
2. Blog

I decided to actually do something this year, and to do something different from normal. Didn't have much money, so I decided to improvise. Wahaha, was thinking of what to get when I remembered how as a child I'd get excited over sweets. So I figured dad'll reminisce either about his, or my childhood if I'd get him a memento from the past. He was touched I took a trip all the way from school. Wahaha, happy birthday again dad!

The blog was something dad requested. And I get the first say! Haha, think I'm going to have to buck up on my layout design skills. Got to build a few blogskins. Design class skills are going to help a lot! Wahahaha.

It's a pity that classes have ended, and I'm still a tad too emotional to do anything productive tonight. Guess this coming holidays are going to be jam-packed with fun stuff though. Going on a self-portrait video-making session, relation-sheep building activities, catching up with old friends and other projects; glad I don't have to slack my holidays away! Woohoo!

Very encouraged by today's CG. I think God really works wonders. He makes me feel proud of Him! :D You rock God! Now mould me so You take pride in me...!

No classes. I hate pre-semestral break emo-ness! And then there's semestral break emo-ness... *faints*

#101 Woohoo!

2006-08-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

How do you create a ministry of love and concern? Shouldn't it be a natural manifestation, because God is love? How mysterious love is. Beyond BGR and courtship, covenantal relationships are necessary and God-honouring. I'm especially surprised with how receiving and storing up love can cause a person to be numb to acts of love, while being a channel of love will increase our capacity to love!

And because I lost my whole D drive worth of songs, Gospel and secular, I had to rely on my C drive cache, which has a dismal store of Gospel songs (only those which I converted format) In any case, I *no pun intended* fell in love with "I Wanna Be With You" by Xu Jie Er. And don't suan me, I'll confess now, I did do research on the singer. (For the Hope RPians, its an inside joke!)

Dad's birthday today. I'll sing a birthday song on blogger!

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

Dad rocks! From a kid who wouldn't be here without you. :)

#100 Emo

2006-08-22T03:15:00.000-07:00

Feeling huge mega ultra super disgustingly emo. o_O

Somehow, somehow semestral breaks always have this emo-effect on me. Withdrawal symptoms of not seeing the same classmates even before I leave class. Today's the last official day, but tomorrow's my last day, because of my elective. I can't stand it! I want classes!

Made the best video that I've done so far, today. We combined team strength; my team did the video and the other team did the stills. Combined it in Final Cut Express. Super emo. Wahahaha. I'm glad I was forced to work with unfamiliar software. It's a pity I couldn't toy around with Final Cut Pro 5. It's super unfair lor; I saw its capabilities from a distance and thought to myself, I'm getting ripped off by cheap software!

And then I worked and worked and played around with the transitions and video effects and achieved half of what I wanted. It's a pity the transitions were difficult to master and I only just learn the speed command. If I had a chance to redo it again, boy is it going to look sleek!

Ah well, time's ticking. Think I'm going to stop wasting time doodering around here. Got a reputation to keep. *yeah, reputation as a over-apologetic, under-appreciated geek* :) I act well.

#99 A Health Checkpoint

2006-08-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank God for Jason's taxi ride treat on friday! :) This sheep of mine has a heart of gold in terms of helping and caring for people. He has this real great desire to help and to provide for people who are in need...wahahaha a perfect candidate for missions' trips!

Speaking of missions' trips, I'm really excited for the upcoming missions trip to Malacca! Wahahaha, hope I get to go, really want to be impacted and fired up for God's ministry! Didn't really want to go for anything overseas initially because I ain't a very adventurous person as some of you know, but I REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE IMPACTED! Within lies disatisfaction at my current status. RP will grow!

Okay now for more somber stuff.

I decided to have a little checkpoint for myself and how I've been for the past few months, to remind myself, as well as in the hopes it helps others.

****

You know, I'm a sucker for worrying. I think 99% of people are like that too, so I'm not too bothered about it. *Problems anyone of us face are common to all* Well anyway here are some musings and incidents I've come to learn something, especially as a new believer.

As a new believer, I've always clung on tightly to my new found life in Christ, because of the change I've experienced. As a result, I constantly worried about backsliding and everything; I started to thank God for every single small thing. I started to thank God for allowing me to miss that little rock that I just nearly tripped over, for a bottle of water I got when I was thirsty. I mean it's perfectly okay to thank God for little things because these things make a difference but I started becoming legalistic. It became like God and I under the coconut tree. Took me a long while to get over it, but at the end, I realised I don't want to be a prick because I ain't perfect. And that's when I started including people into my life. My Care Group and friends. :)

There was once about 6 months ago I realised I've quieten down and become less "crazy" or fired up as before. I've also noted that in other brothers in church and I was worried that, you know, I'm like losing steam. It was only till later did I really it was perfectly normal, I can mellow down and still be passionate for God in a more subtle way. It's not the action but the attitude.

And so on... Far too many to type down but ask me. ;)

****

I grew and as the months passed, I became a shepherd and later a care leader, and I faced another common challenge.
Discouragement.

1. People backslide
2. Loneliness, because you have to be one step ahead
3. Caring for and motivating difficult people
4. Nervousness when I start on a role in Care Group
5. Worrying about not hearing from God
6. When everyone's down, you need to be the one up
7. Sacrifice
8. Encouraging people, with a heavy mind
9. Being a pillar
10. Personal personality mix

It starts to get overwhelming at times. I fear, get headaches etc. But guess what? I've learnt to be shameless in asking for help, from my shepherd and other leaders, as well as from God. Remembering my holy fear of losing all that God has given me. The Devil has been a tricky adversary. Always playing on my weaknesses.

But in Christ I am more than a conqueror! I've realised these struggles push me beyond what I can do. It's like RP PBL, my whole ministry. I'm not trying to do free promotion, but I really think it's made all the difference. The key I found out is to really take ownership of what you do. When you take ownership of your life, your ministry, your learning, your leading, you'll double the thought process, triple the effort and quadruple it all. I've realised that as I began to see RP 2 as my Care Group, and the people in RP ministry as my brothers and sisters, beyond just a name.

Do I look more serious? Do I look more scary? Do I sound more harsh? Ha ha, I can't afford wasting any more time than I am already. In a flash, Year 2 Sem 1's over. I'm seriously shocked at the rate time passes. Things are going to change, bigger shocks are coming by, life is speeding up. Direction? Vision? Goal? Ministry?

The greatest consolation I have, is that my standard of living has improved; I'm no longer living a life of routine and instant gratification. Neither am I in this alone, because when I truly open my eyes to observe, it could be a day just reading up on leaders' blogs, I know that I'm not alone...

To sum what I've learnt:
Sensitive beyond surface. Proactive.
Don't expect to receive, but give. Then you'll give in joy.
Love if you want to feel love. You only receive when you give.
You aren't the centre of the universe. God is.
Dream, talk, but please have action. Otherwise it's just gas.

#98 Encouragement

2006-08-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

Discouragement always comes; I wasn't too prepared today. Had a heart full of criticism, I realised, through halfway in class. Decided I keep my mouth shut for the remainder of the day. Glad I did, but I'm still sore at the fact I couldn't repent at that instant. Pity.

Was walking in hushed silence towards the MRT station. Feeling kind of lonely. You know, like everyone's in a small group here and there. It was there and then I realised how the rest felt. You know, like not being a part of the group. I've long decided to change that atmosphere, but today I've gotten only more convicted about it. Was really thinking long and hard, trying to find reasons to stop feeling that way. I realised I couldn't. We can talk, joke about love, but the only way for things to change is to initiate. Went straight home and started on my personal worship and QT straight after a fast dinner. God touched my heart and healed it.

Then, as if not enough, my mom came over to my room and we started talking. She began to relate to me her concerns for our family's well-being. She shared with me the life she once had, the life she is living now and the regrets. Then, the worst thing happen, she started tearing. I grabbed on to her hand as we talked. We talked about my maternal (adoptive) grandfather, how her anger changed into pity. Mom's a real nice person; I owe my heart to her. The whole incident caused me to feel more convicted about sharing to her the love of God. At that point, she started relating to me how her friend had brought her to church faithfully for 8 months, but gave up, breaking off the friendship (I raised my eyebrows) just when she was about to accept Christ as her Lord and Saviour. I found it quite a waste... Jesus could have changed her life totally, like 40 years ago... No matter, it'll be my turn now. Oh, and I also guessed correctly why she didn't receive Christ earlier; though her friend shared to her about Jesus, God and brought her to service faithfully, she never did asked her if she wanted to respond to God's call... Such a pity. The whole conversation encouraged me lots and lots though!

Mom, no worries, you didn't make a mistake bringing us up; we appreciate the chance to live and let live. :)

Sam MSNed me today. Kind of cool talking to him, learning from him. Sorry, I never was a initiator; it's difficult but I will do it! Inspired by his timely message to do a Bible study starting from Matthew (was reading that). Matthew 1 took me some research time, but was useful as I've learnt far more than I ever knew. I was long inspired by the way how each verse carries a hidden message, but I never am able to get it. Thank God for you Sam!

And so I started on my Bible study, complete with interruptions through MSN! :X

#97 Thanking God!

2006-08-15T08:08:00.000-07:00

I've realised to my shame that I haven't thanked God loud enough, publicly enough as much as I've complained to Him. So today, I THANK YOU LORD!

1. For the new mouse Jerrome gave me. Mine was spoilt and he offered his, thanks!
2. For my friend who asked me if I was interested in becoming a pastor, priest etc. Perhaps not priest in name ba, because I'm already a priest in God's kingdom. I did consider being a pastor though, but I'm not too decided, I need to grow more! :x
3. For the wonderful impromptu Spirit-led worship we had there at Bishan. Alvin, Jerrome, Heng Yu, Sharon and the two Jasons. We OWNED THE PLACE! Gave our hearts and voices to God and praised and worshipped Him in the middle of no-where. May the people who come by past be touched through the praise and worship!
4. For my wonderful class, which I took 10 weeks to come to appreciate! Now we're splitting! Noooo!
5. For all my friends, family in my life.
6. For God Himself who grant me my life, my sustenance and my purpose.
7. For a blog, a freedom of speech and living in a relatively safe place.
8. For a local church to commit to, to attain spiritual covering in the midst of being in the world.
9. For an opportunity to be a salt and light. (I'm working on it!)
10. For the foundation He has set in my heart and a burden to set it in other hearts!

Woohoo, I'm so excited!

#96 The Hot Seat

2006-08-13T10:33:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's hot in here.

Ecclesiastes 2:17-26 spoke to me a lot about my ministry; is it about pure human work, or am I flowing with the Spirit as a partnership. Each time I think of Ecc 2:17 I am reminded that no matter what I accomplish, it will not amount to anything if it is not done with "eternity" in mind. Riches? I can't take that to the grave, or heaven. Neither can I take fame, assets etc up. Only my spirit goes up. Not even my body. And my character will be put through the flame of truth. In partnership with God to do God's work.

You know, it's scary. How people backslide/switch church etc. I noticed a trend.

Step 1. Feel neglected and unwanted by the majority. Feel unwanted, unloved, not needed.
Step 2. Talk to shepherd about it, discuss and hope for a good resolution.
Step 3. Nothing happens on the majority side. Draw away and find a more suitable church.

Sounds fair? Think again. I'll simplify.

Step 1. Feel neglected.
Step 2. Talk about it.
Step 3. Nothing is done by the backslider. What is done is ignored. No sense of remembering blessings. Backslide.

See the difference when I simplify? It's a two-way thing. Talk is cheap. I don't think anything else needs to be said.

Sometimes I wonder if our soft approach makes people weak. Dare to say "think big"? Dare to do big. Same two people with same situations come out with different results. Difference is character. Everything else can be faked. But strength of character cannot be counterfeited. If there's anything we should hunger for, hunger for what builds character.

#95 RP's New Sister!

2006-08-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

Alina, studying in secondary school but graduating soon... Jia you on your "O" levels! Welcome to the RP family! Woohoo, was really excited for her; it was quite amazing, the feeling of helping someone cross the line. I mean, not just supporting, but SOWing and sharing and believing, the whole experience was uplifting! And now she's SAVED, THE WHOLE HEAVEN REJOICES! The feeling's absolutely indescribable by word's, when you realised you've played a part in saving someone's life for eternity. I WAS JUMPING AROUND LIKE A CRAZY LUNATIC (in my heart!). Jesus! Let me jump for joy as crazily as David. Soften me, mould me, change me totally from the inside out! Let me be a evangelist-enthusiast!

That was the good part. And now's the bad part.

It's amazing how people complain how your words don't match your actions and stomp off leaving you to clear their mess. Okay so I ain't perfect, I make mistakes, sometimes people get mad and ignore me totally when I totally don't know what's going on! Come on, it doesn't help when the people that do this don't do what they say; better still, they expect their promises to be taken lightly. What crap is that? If you think I've done nothing constructive, or I've screwed your life, or I've made you one bit bitter than before and the whole world's going to collapse because of me, tell me in the face. Well that's if you've never done anything wrong. Judge me, but be warned.

You know, I don't mind going to the opposite end of the island, to sleep out in the open to help someone, or to spend all my money for someone so long as he or she is willing to help his or herself. I especially hate the attitude where you leave the broken pieces on the ground and go away, or you suddenly fade away out of physical existence, resurfacing only to fellowship with other people who haven't gotten on your nerves with heartfelt concern. Face it, it's going to happen again sooner or later. You're no angel, but I'm no devil either. It's absolutely draining; if you don't think I have the right to talk/call/respond to you because I'm dirt and you're gold, I think my priorities are better off elsewhere. In the mean time, I'm going to shamelessly step all over your life and love you. Relish the sweet revenge, Devil. God is moving.

Romans 12:20 "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

#94 Y'know What?

2006-08-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

I think I've got moths in my ears, maggots in my joints (!) and methane gas in my bowels (obvious). Never mind, I'm not talking sense. Anyway, CLASS IS """""INTERESTING""""" today! Fading away into the background. Wah kaoz.

Had a little chat with Pearline over MSN just now. Looking forward to her return in December. Hope RP's very own GIANT CARE BEAR! Wahahahahaha... Update your blog more lehz!

Anyway back to class. The situation's looking dire. It's 2.30pm, only one team has presented and the rest of the teams are slogging at the presentation. I'm kind of like laying around, since the team has no use for me as of now. LOL. BUT HEY, I DID DO WORK OKAY! x_x

I was reading Joshua 18 and 19 with Jerrome yesterday and we were staring blankly at the allotment of the 12 Tribes. So we decided to Google up the Old Testament Map of Israel. What we found was cool; only perhaps the map was too detailed (when you read it you'll get what I mean) so much so that we couldn't find what we wanted to. But it's still cool; when you do Quiet Time with others, in my opinion you tend to get more interested in what you are trying to learn from reading the Bible!

#93 Argh I Can't Get To Sleep!

2006-08-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

****DISCLAIMER: This post is all about my discontentment****

Insomnia. I know I need to recharge my batteries but. Aiya. How to say.

RP Ministry:

Timothy, Sharon, Jovin, Windez, Jason (drummer), Jason (e. guitarist), Jerrome, Wei Jian, Avril, Yan Xiang, Heng Yu, Elaine, Ming Li, Krystal, Martin, Dao, Jeremy.

...

The names keep on flowing through my head. The lives that's changed. And I wonder if I'm giving enough thanks. If so, I should see fruits naturally coming in right? I'm so scared, God. Afraid of every single small thing that steals a bit of us as it comes by. But I want to grow RP, by Your Grace? Take my hand? Can...?

...

I guess everyone's gone through a period of spiritual dryness before, but this is the opposite. It's an over-intense flooding of burden and desire. I can't say I stand in awe as much as I am paralysed by awe. Well then, blow me away, my dear God.

I don't want to sleep in peace so much as I want to sleep in victory.

#92 The Price Of Ministry

2006-08-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

You know all those games where the voodoo shaman sacrifices something, say a cow, for special powers? It's true here in the Kingdom of God too... though we don't exactly sacrifice cows! LOL. Instead, we sacrifice rights, desires, wants, comfort zone, dreams for a greater vision; one in God. Guess I'm really feeling the physical strain... Not been easy, but I'm secure because it's not been easy for Paul, Simon Peter and the rest of the apostles... Even the RP leaders are jia-you-ing!

#91 The Man of God

2006-08-09T11:18:00.000-07:00

He made me remember my dream occupation. It took a double-dose of a faltering brother and a dose of a faltering sister. As I my mind raced for the answers to helping him, I flash-backed to that fateful CG we had a year ago...

****

I was just a New Believer that time...
(During one of the games)
Pearline: Okay, what do you all want to be. What occupation?
Sharon: I want to be a tai-tai, a house-wife.
Timothy: I want to be a (Director? I forgot).
Windez: ...
Pearline: So what do you want to be, Windez?
Windez: I wanna be a Man of God!
(Silence ensued)
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's not an occupation!
Windez: Oh... Hmm, but I want to...

****

The flashback ended there. I REALISED SOMETHING. I AM LIVING THIS OCCUPATION AS I SPEAK! Not many people are as lucky to have their dream occupation being realised so young in age. A knot came about in my stomach. I'm so foolish to not make use of what I have been blessed with...

...And then I thought about that faltering brother... I laboured...

Dear brothers and sister... don't you know my heart bleeds for your revival?

And I wrote this as an example. This is what burden means. Go pray about it.

God I'm ready to collapse in Your arms.

#90 Angry!

2006-08-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

Wahahaha... today's CG was a breakthrough. Love you all RPians! wahahaha. You know how I always freak out, stutter and in general make a big mess of worship? I struggle and struggle with this area of ministry; 17 years of mental conditioning is difficult to defeat. Yet I must really thank God for today, that He kept my jitters in check and really ministered to me. For once when I boo-booed I continued naturally, as if it were a minor disturbance. I let Him flow as uninterrupted as I could, though I did falter here and there. In general, it was a BREAKTHROUGH! Ha ha, compared to last week...

And teaching was an exciting part of CG to be leading. It isn't easy; it's up to the sermon-giver to ensure that the teaching ministers to the peoples' needs. Woohoo, felt honoured as well as a real need to do it well. Not the best but God smiles. :D

You know, the past few days have made me more and more angry. Perhaps it's the lack of rest, but more importantly, little things I was de-sensitized to, especially negative things, I start to take notice. I start to want to change them and when I do, I start to realise my ministry becoming more and more purposeful. Not the purposeful, but the purposeful purposeful... okay never mind... Wahahaha. (I still am long-winded...)

Had a pool marathon at Singapore Shopping Centre with some of the CG peeps just now. I IMPROVED! I no longer suck as a pool player...! There was this little boo-boo at the start when I was warming up though... but ask me what! The peeps were even disiao-ing me:

****

Sharon: Hey, did you all know that in the *old* Hope RP forum, someone asked, "You all want to go play pool?"

Heng Yu: Ya, and guess what Windez replied? He said, "But I don't have any swimming trunks!!!"

Okay so fine, I ain't so bright. But innocence is a virtue! :X

****

Had a little quarrel with my mom, tried to reason while in anger, but I realised the futility. Jason reminded me about a sermon point I mentioned in CG and I repented. Thanks Jason! Instant application! Great learning attitude!

Nevertheless it still came on my mind, and I tried to fight it... until I reached home, dreading a curfew... or worse.

So I went in, and after a while my mom came to me to apologise. My stupid ego caused me to apologise softly and we reconciled. After she left, it hit me so hard; God was trying to teach me, through my unbelieving parents that Love transcends differences and ego. Praise God!

Woohoo, tomorrow's website designing... *snore*

#89 Excited!

2006-08-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

....Awwww I'm so ultra super mega hyper *insert superfluous word* -ly excited for tomorrow's CG! It's going to be ON NATIONAL DAY! Prepared long and hard and *I hope* well. Going to see impact, going to see fruits, going to see Spirit of Excellence. Going to support Martin on his premiere Chairperson role and going to make it worth those who thought it worth to come! It's special, it's anointed and the most amazing thing is that it's going to happen in the middle of troubles and trials. We are going to conquer our campus, one by one! Have seen Alvin growing to the next level he surprised me so much. Woohoo, I feel like flashing a victory sign! *flashes victory sign!*

Something I wanted to, but didn't do a long time ago. As taken from Ps Jeff's blog:

How God builds you while you are building your ministry
by Rick Warren

Did you know that God uses a very predictable process to build your character? I call this process the "Six Phases of Faith." If you don’t understand this process, you’ll get discouraged when problems arise. You’ll wonder, "Why is this happening to me?" But if you understand and cooperate with what God is doing in your ministry, your faith - like a muscle that is stretched - will develop great strength.

Phase 1: A dream

God gives you a dream – an idea, goal, or ambition. Every great accomplishment first begins as a God-given dream in someone’s mind. "God is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.” (Eph. 3:20 LB)

Phase 2: A decision

A dream is worthless until you decide to do something about it. For every 10 dreamers, there’s only one decision-maker. This is the moment of truth where you decide to invest your time, money, energy, and reputation and to let go of security. If you want to walk on water - you must get out of the boat! "You must believe and not doubt … a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.” (James 1:6, 8 GN)

Phase 3: A delay

There is always a time lapse before your dream becomes reality. God uses this waiting period to teach us to trust him. Remember, a delay is not a denial. Maturity is understanding the difference between "no” and "not yet.” God says, “These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” (Hab. 2:3 LB)

Phase 4: A difficulty

Now the problems start popping up. The two most common types: critics and circumstances. Don’t worry. It’s all a part of God’s plan. “At the present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials. This is no accident – it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold.” (1 Peter 1:6-7 Ph)

Phase 5: A dead end!

Your situation will deteriorate from difficult to impossible. You are backed into a corner, you reach the end of your rope; it looks hopeless. Congratulations! You are on the edge of a miracle. Trust God. “At that time we were completely overwhelmed … in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we now believe we had this sense of impending disaster so that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves but in God who can raise the dead.” (2 Cor. 1:8-9 Ph)

Phase 6: A deliverance

God provides a supernatural answer. Miraculously, things fall into place! God loves to turn crucifixions into resurrections so you can see his greatness. “I expect the Lord to deliver me once again so I will see his goodness to me ….” (Ps. 27:13)

A DELIVERANCE! A DELIVERANCE COME FAST!
P.s. Free advertising space brought to you by the Universal Church Advertisement Campaign.

#88 The Day Before

2006-08-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

...The National Day. As I sat at my table munching on dinner and feeling this sense of lacking inside, I've realised what makes me tick, what makes me weak and soft inside (in a negative sense) and in generally insignificant is feeling useless. It's like a sudden revelation; I learnt a little piece of who Windez is..

Classes are always a stressful thing for me, as I think is natural for everyone else, with the difference being this; as the lesson goes on and more work is done/assign, I start to get relaxed. In fact I feel less stress being in the middle of work. I feel significant.

Likewise, sitting there in the middle of the crowd in NDP just screaming my lungs out for my country; that ain't working; I left feeling less significant, a part of the crowd. That's why, I guess, over the years I've never taken to watching the NDP.

...
And then there was a 3 hour hiatus 'cos I got other stuff to do
...

And then, "OUCH!" You know, when the words of your enemies fail to hurt you, the devil usually takes advantage of your friends to cut you deep in. And it happens to be someone whom you thought you could run the race through all the way...

Thanks, your situation has made me want to work doubly hard.

#87 Jesus Imparts Confidence!

2006-08-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

Like water He flowed down. Into me as I started to worship His Name.

Met Sharon up for our last official shepherding... *sighs*... Change of shepherd-times have always been heart-breaking for me. It's nothing serious, just that I value all my shepherds greatly; they are God's anointed. Jia you Sharon; you'll get a better sheep! :D

...And guess who I'm *stuck* with? Wahahaha, Timothy Alvin, AGAIN! Wahahahaha welcome back shepherd! My 1st shepherd... I've gone full-circle!

Tim--> Pearline--> Nel--> Sharon--> Tim!

Worship practice was cool...! Anticipate something cool on Wednesday! Confidence not in myself, but in God's ministering Spirit!

And I've got myself A NEW BAG, KUDOS TO SHARON! WAHAHAHA! Excited! Going to use it 1st time on Saturday *choose auspicious date* :X

It's quite late now. I've gotta go...

#86 3rd Entry In A Row!

2006-08-06T11:06:00.000-07:00

Quote:

John: Whatever happened to "common" sense?
Jack: They don't give birth to them nowadays.

Common senseless is in vogue.

Common senseless is in vogue.

Common senseless is in vogue!

#85 OOOOH a Rare Picture!

2006-08-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

I was looking around My Received Files for a song Yan Xiang sent me and I saw this picture. It kind of prompted a response... One of the rare moments I'd upload an unglam pic of myself. Then again, I don't have (m)any glam pics of myself...

Okay so I don't look too good in that picture. Who cares anyway? LOL. I posed that way for fun. Anyway, point being;

When we look at our past pictures, do we see anything changed? This picture was taken on the 6/6/06 so yeah, it's a couple of months back. And I'm not talking about physical change. The sparkle in our eyes, the confidence (in God) in our gait, the liveliness we had; a stark contrast to the world's "emo-ness". Where is it all now? Just last Saturday, I became painfully aware that though, yes, RP's still right in front, initiating to come down to the from row, we aren't jumping as much as before. I don't mean the physical act of jumping, but every seems more, how do you call it... lethargic? And that was when I told myself, I'm not going to stop jumping. I'll be the minority, because it's worth it. I pray that I not only jump for joy in service, but I make a difference on field. I can do it de. Pray for me and RP kays? *ESPECIALLY THE RP KIAS AH!*

P.S. Stop staring at my face, I know it looks retarded.
P.P.S. I said stop it.
P.P.P.S Okay go ahead staring, I give up.

Do YOU #1 want to BE a world changer? Or do #2 you want to SEE world changers? If your going to choose #1, you've made the right choice, welcome to the club of "Somebody". If you've chosen #2, it's just not good enough y'know, you're still in the sea of "everybody".

#84 What Is It That Causes Me To Be Discontented?

2006-08-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

I want to find out. What makes me get so mad I cannot stand it and want to change something. I know for one, having a wasted day does make me tick. But I can't possibly waste every other day right...? :X

Haven't been updating for the past few days, because I was caught up to the neck with Alvin's company video. Turns out they need to polish a video clip to be put up on the Net, so I volunteered. I didn't realise the mass of issues I had to gripe with...;

1. Editing software to use.
2. DVD ripping software, because I DON'T rip DVDs. (the company gave me a DVD to RIP... omigosh)
3. Time management
4. How to do it (which was solved when I had that "eureka thought" that it was up to me. Quite common sensical, but you know, the kids these days... :P (self-suan)
5. That my laptop CANNOT support it
6. HOW to use the software (bummers, I came in with zero knowledge of Adobe Premiere, and came out never wanting to use Adobe Premiere anymore. But I did get to understand how to use it. Heck, I'd even share how, if you had a way to get me to.
7. Backup plans (I can't stress the importance of this. Nevertheless, all my backup plans failed. What a wise-guy Windez is eh?)

So yeah, I took late nights and early mornings just to do the video. I'd committed roughly 20 hours into the video over a span of 3 days (12 hours today), and guess what? It failed. I was pretty surprised how a 500Mb video can inflate into a 3.2Gb video at 70% completion. Never mind the fact that Premiere crashed BEYOND a 100 times (and I'm not exaggerating) and I devoted roughly 5 hours to finding and ripping the DVD clip, amount of time wasted was just... despicable. Now I feel like a worse off sinner... =/ :x

Well, it wasn't too bad, at least I've learnt something...

Wait A MINUTE! Could it be... video editing the key to holy discontentment?... No wait, no way right?! God only you know the answer!

Patience.

Anyway,

You know, when you counsel people, if you hear yourself clearly enough, you'll see that often more than not, what you say also applies to yourself. It's like God's trying to teach us something through us sharing something. And often more than not, after the sharing, I feel 1) more convicted, 2) more thankful for what I have, 3) more patient. Why more patient? Ask your shepherd. :P

Wahahahahaha.................... There's school tomorrow, HISTORY OF THE ARTS! Sounds really boring, but really, it's cool. Going to go on a do-well streak. Do well for that, then what I've planned after school all the way to the end of the race.

Oh yeah and Jason (drummer) and Jerrome, congratulations on having a new shepherd. :)
I'm so buay hiao bai. LOL!

The Covenanted One, remember your covenant!

#83 You Know That Ocassional Feeling?

2006-08-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

...My brain popped in class just now. Literally. One minute I was fuming mad, the next minute my mind went blank. Not the kind of peaceful blank; the blurry darkness blank kind. Rollercoaster down after that. You know, the things which make me tick have changed. But today during class, I felt totally, utterly useless. I wanted to do something in class, but well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I tried doing more work, but I couldn't help the feeling. How do you try to squeeze in against more vocal people?

So I went off early. Tell me if my early departure made a difference. Recently have been running on a short fuse. I never wanted all those boo-boos and failures, but I guess it's just a part of being human. Fallible. Its that realisation that's kept me sane for the week. But that's not to say things can't improve. And don't say I don't do anything. To put it crudely, I bloody well flung my comments in, but they weren't accepted.

Okay, so that's a little bit of frustration over the week that's been released. Over the course of the week, I kind of find these few things lacking whenever I want to do something:

1. Enough Information - I can't read peoples' minds and therefore cannot "know" without explanation and effective communication.
2. Practise/Time/Wadchamaycallit - Neither am I an overnight wonder performer. I need practice! I'm a theory-biased guy with a severe handicap in practical stuff. Can I do things the way I do best and not the way others do best?

Thank you very much for hearing me rant, but I really really needed to get these things through.

#82 Uncommon Sense

2006-08-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

I've got an amazing "common" sense. Ha ha. Went to celebrate Zhi Wei's "birthday" just now. As usual; crappy time flow and lousy celebration details. So we met the rest and headed down to Food Junction at CCK for a simple meal and hearty laughs. Okay, so I made a fool of myself. So? These are my buddies; no need to get serious ha ha!

Since Yeow Chong couldn't join us at Food Junction, I skipped my meal there just to wait for him. Couldn't let the poor buddy eat alone. So instead of sub-human food, I ate trash food. Zhi Wei showed us some videos, none of which I cared to watch, ha ha. No la, I was busy buying the food and then eating it. :x

Was feeling regretful at the whole celebration; just a simple meal... when Zhi Wei finally confessed to the deed; he flashed his IC; and left the rest of us dumbstruck. HIS BIRTHDAY IS IN APRIL! ARGH HOW COULD I BE FOOLED??!! Ha ha. Wanted to spank him nice and proper for adding a wrong date in my birthday calendar. GRRRR! Ha ha. But anyway, I would have done the same, if I knew it wasn't his birthday; we really needed the get-together. It's been so long time since we hung around...

After that Yong Ren and I walked home; the rest stayed far from us. We shared about our lives and some stuff which we knew we'd do differently if given the opportunity. Nevertheless, I shared the importance of being forward-looking rather than backward-looking; we all need to build a future, not starve on the past. Was encouraged by his open-ness. I offered helped. Really hope to see Jesus blow his mind away with what He can do in his life. My dear friend, you don't know how much Jesus can change you... ha ha, nevertheless I'm anticipating. :D

AND YES! I'VE FOUND A REPLACEMENT TO MY LOST EAR PIECE! A HEADSET COMPLETE WITH MICROPHONE AND EAR MUFFS! WAHAHAHA...!

I'm so excited! Woohoo... had a half an hour chat with Yan Xiang just now. He's a great bro; going to miss him when he heads into army in September (did I mention that before?). Will pray for him too. Take time to pray and ask. Hope RP will pick up and fly! Jesus be our wings!

P.S. And Jeremy and Cecil will be out this saturday for service! Woohoo! How's the haircut dudes! You should have gone on the Hair for Charity thingy; you'd get a free haircut! HA HA!

#81 Confessions of a "Grave" Nature

2006-07-31T12:01:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make... I suck at programming. Wahahahaha. Let's see, my CG member, Shu Hui's birthday celebration was planned by me. Sadly, we had a very chaotic and simple celebration because I simply didn't know what to do during the celebration.

Today's Long Hu Men (Dragon Tiger Gate) movie outing was also a total programming disaster; everyone was bored to death by the 3 hour interval from end of school to the start of the movie. I'm so glad that we all enjoyed these two days though. See... it isn't all about the form and physical substance; it was about the heart! I WAS RIGHT! THANK YOU JESUS! WOOHOO! Ha ha, okay, getting abit excited le. Better stop. *lol*

So I've got to improve on programming. Remind me to take a hiatus from organising stuff that I'm not convicted of. I'll just screw it up. Ha ha. Got to admit, the movie wasn't that good. Basically see Dragon Wong (the blue shirt character) owning everyone. Pretty flat storyline and amateurish (in my own humble opinion) choice of video editing effects. I mean multicam split to portray the picking up of beads... what the? Boring! Almost fell asleep, with the air con and the comfortable seats... ahhh...

So Yan Xiang and Yong Ren and I were like at Bukit Batok having some makan. Really thank God for Yan Xiang. That brother's the limit, really know how to make me guilty. He treated me to like so much already; I'm terribly ashamed about my finances because of you okay! Ha ha. So we finished the meal, then, being the kind-hearted (YES I AM, NO NEED TO PUKE!) guy I am, I tried to use my cashcard to get a can of Heineken to share with Yan Xiang to celebrate our brotherhood in Christ. Guess what? I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY IN M CARD! *DELIRIOUS*... Omigosh. I was like red in the face. Short of 20cents! Argh. So in the end Yan Xiang paid, again. *bangs wall*

I guess remembering that Yan Xiang's going to NS soon made me all emo. Don't have to worry, I'm still okay, just a teeny weeny bit emo. Jeremy, Cecil(ia) and the few other brothers I've long grown attached to have gone in already. Noooo! Ha ha, but we're still connected by Christ! Okay okay, got to go now, I'm afraid my parents come down and scream at me, 3am in the morning... CIAO my precious blog!

#80 Time Crunch!

2006-07-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

So much things to do... so little time! Jesus help me plan and coordinate so I always have time for You! Wahahahaha, we should have a Unit blog for RP, one that will incorporate upcoming events and insights and revelations! That'll be so cool... Jason can do the blog skins, the CLs and ULas can do the insights and updates and Jesus can hold everything together!

Had a wonderful outing with Alina, Shu Hui, Dolphin, Yan Xiang, CYC and Yong Ren at the pool tables. Some are new people I've got to know; others are friends I've been through thick and thin. Life's an amazing journey; people come in and make footprints in your life that shape the way you see it; a kaleidoscope of interactions. I really hope to share the love of God to all who haven't received it yet, but I believe that God has His time. You'll do it when they're ready. Getting ready for the coming week. There's a movie-SOW event tomorrow, and some really cool changes happening in RP. I'm so amazed... But I know I must guard myself well.

I guess I just want to encourage several people here:

Kelvin (from my secondary school): You've been a wonderful brother to me; always eager to please God even though you acknowledge your shortcomings. I'm really amazed at your humility and your desire to make it right! Just want to say, you don't have to be too discouraged when things don't go the way it should be; we're similar in many ways... ha ha I really pray for your growth in your church; even though we may not be in the same ministries, I believe God can ork in both of us. Just keep your heads up and I'll see you at the finishing line!

Timothy Alvin: A very amazing brother you've been to me. I thank God for all the times you've seen me at a lost, and took a step to calm my nerves and show me what to do next. Sometimes we're both at a lost, but still you emerge the courageous one, doing your best for the Group. I'm sure it must have been tough for you, but I just want to say that you've made all the difference in my life; bringing me past the gates of Heaven into Salvation. You know, each time I want to give up, I look back at that day when I said yes to Christ and no to the devil, I can't help but say, I'm staying on, hanging on with You, God. It's heating up, and that's a good thing; you neevr know your limit till you've reached it. I've honestly felt an uplifting spirit after Saturday's test of faith and courage. Thank God for you, you can do more than you think. :D

And to all out there who have made an awesome impact in my life (and even if I've only met you once, you have), YOU ALL ROCK!

P.S. Yan Xiang, always thank God for you! You've help me lots!

#79 Something I've Learnt

2006-07-29T23:21:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm glad God didn't give my heart's desire, rather what is good for me. I've realised that what we want changes and changes; because of sin, we are tempted by the temporal to bypass the eternal. We lost sight and become spiritually myopic, but in Jesus we regain our vision. Well, I can say that that was an extremely uplifting discovery.

Was talking to Tim a couple of days back. I've always been interested in evangelism; in particular, why I always fail spectacularly. It's true, I'm naturally oblivious to what other people's needs are, and I need to put in greater effort than most. I've been hungering for discernment for a long time already, and I'm glad as I grow in God I gain insights from here and there. Powerfully, RP2 had 2 visitors for service and 1 after service, thanks in great part to Yan Xiang...! Ha ha... I must learn from him his ability to express genuine care and concern. It's amazing how much I want to express something, yet it comes out in awkward splutters.
Phleg-sang, what a weird personality. And thanks for that sharing yesterday Tim.

****

There was this old man who had a very special habit. Each morning, he would had down by the beach and pick up little starfish; those brought in by the high tide, but stranded on the beach as it became low tide. He'd pick and throw, pick and throw. One day, a young man came by and thought the old man had gone senile with old age.

He asked the old man, "Sir, why are you doing such a stupid thing?"

The old man replied, "Well, the starfish will die out of water."

"But there are millions of starfish on the beach; how can you save all of them? It doesn't make a difference!" the young man replied incredulously.

"Well, it made all the difference to this one," replied the old man, as he tossed a starfish into the ocean.

****
Adapted from an email I received.

#78 Drum rolls

2006-07-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

Today, I just want to "commemorate the memory" of two very wonderful brothers; Jeremy from NP ministry, and Cecil(ia) from Adult ministry (ex-TP ministry kia). Ha ha, they're on field training, absorbing the wondrous nature sights and smells. In short, they're smelling manure and looking at a forest full of creepy-crawlings, how luxurious... Mwahahahaha!

I still remember that overnight mahjong marathon we had and all the snacks and stuff. I still remember my objective for going was to learn how to plan for sleepovers and overnights for effective fellowship, LOL! Not very authentic eh? And because of the purpose, I was worried at first thinking that it might just go boring in a while... I'm amazed, they were real brothers to me, and to say the least, we enjoyed ourselves. And then there was that time at Sentosa where Jeremy and laid on the floating decks, staring into the sky, wondering what the future holds. We were supposed to plan an overnight there! Ha ha. And Kbox sessions! And pool training! And... LOL no idea liao! Ha ha. And Cecil was one of the first few I met when I first came to Nexus. Alvin's spiritual buddy I remember the first impression he gave me was that he had an awesome sense of humour. Almost every service we'd banter and lame around... NS sure takes us by surprise...

Ha ha. I don't know why but recently I've been having that weird scary grin (to others, that is, but is perfectly 'me' to me) all around. I guess it comes each time I think of how lucky I am. Guess I get easily awed by what I have. A plate of chicken rice is enough for me to start up a grin that lasts 5 mins? Ha ha, well, I see it this way. If I didn't have that plate of chicken rice, I'd still be with the hunger pangs and I certainly wouldn't be smiling! I guess it's my own mechanism for giving thanks for all that I have.

...It's no fun being toyed around by the Devil.

#77 I'm Sorry!

2006-07-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

...Apologetics. Wahaha stupid post title. Apologetics simply mean the study of one's own faith. Refreshing. Went to this online post forum, because I was very stumped by the OT. Wahahaha there was this group of believers trying to prove Jesus is Christ to a group of Jews. Both points seem very convincing... but I recognised how literal and deep arguments go. Ultimately, the thing which got me was that while the OT had miracles, the latter group didn't seem to believe in miracles, kind of like lost the ability to see God's power. And I doubt their judgement if they brought God to their standard.

Had a wonderful birthday celebration for Shu Hui. Her sister and her close friend came. I'm pretty amazed today. Shu Hui treated us to KFC! Wow! Ha ha... Encouraged! Keep that spirit going! We had a wonderful time chatting and eating birthday cake; I ate roughly half of the 1kg cake! Ha ha, took a lot of lame photos and I showed them my lame, but real side. I guess it's much better this way; being real, unafraid of being outcast/rejected etc... ha ha, we are REAL people! Had a lot of fun and a few games; we even shared some of the cake with an uncle on a wheelchair called Henry. Interesting old man; I even surprised myself by asking for his name and while I didn't understand all of his chinese, we made small talk. Then we realised he was a believer! WOW!

And I was riled up about a possible Kbox outing! Woo hoo! I'm so missing Kbox! And the 'Long Hu Men' movie on Monday! Wahahaha...! It's going to be a time of SOWing and sharing! And that long overdue lunch/dinner at my dad's restaurant! ARGH, too many things to look forward too! Wahaha (pardon me, at this point, I've gone beyond excitement)!!!

*calms down* *clears throat* And that's all for today.

Anti-climax sia... -____-"

#76 o_O

2006-07-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

There's that silent, creeping feeling coming all over me. Something's coming.

Had an awesome time at RP 1 & 3's CG just now... but once again, I can't help but feel anger and weakness... at my inability to provide an awesome one for RP 2 & 4. It's not about encouraging me anymore... the root issue...! I'm quite amazed. Alvin did something at CG which I've tried weeks ago at my own; the results were polar. I don't know why? I guess there were too many chances we let slip here and there, and that amounted to something massive. Well, learning point.

I've always had this feeling all along; it seems like the stakes and the pace get higher and higher more than I can handle each time. It's fine... it's just that I often end up doing something I felt I could have done so much better with a little more training/advice? I'm hanging on a loose end here, going through some massive paradigm upheavals. How do you change an introvert into an extrovert? How do you change a pacifist into a biblical rebel? How do you ignite a traditionally fire-resistant soul? Perhaps I ain't sensitive enough, but I'm still waiting for an answer from God.

But I give thanks to God for giving me wonderful friends all around. I'm still pretty amazed at my guitar-playing progress, considering my natural inaptitude for the sonic arts. I guess He really makes all the difference. And the new canteen's been a real boon; at least we don't have to eat subhuman rations anymore; except when we choose to. :X I've even heard rumours of Subway and Pizza Hut opening in a month's time or so!

You know that little dilemma, whether to call the hurting sheep and calm his nerves temporarily, or give him the bitter pill fearing also for the worst? It doesn't help the world thinks you aren't doing enough. Come on!

#75 The J.A. Talkshow!

2006-07-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

Just came home from a day pack full of activities. I was surprised that class turned out interesting at the end of the day! Every team had innovative presentations, the STA way!

It's a pity my elective module Understanding Test was a killer. Imagine using Photoshop CS2 to do a poster complete with the elements and design principles incorporated in HALF AN HOUR! Killer paper...! And we had difficulties accessing the picture resources for the poster, resulting in a further 10 min delay! Talk about killer. Ha ha. Who cares anyway, I did my best. And besides, I had other stuff to look forward to.

After school I finally got to flex my now-rusty DotA skills with Jason (e. guitarist) and his classmates, Brandon and Ken. Not bad, considering I haven't played for months and was consistently gangbanged. Managed not to bring down my reputation. :X Go Windez! ha ha. That's besides the point. Made some observations about myself:

1. When I truly be myself and not pretend, sincerity creates magic.
2. Trust is mutual. I haven't been putting enough trust.

So for Jason and his wonderful friends (I doubt they're reading this, but I'll say it anyway), a big THANK YOU for the learning experience!

So we adjourned our little gathering at Sembawang MRT station, and I headed to the home of the famous Mr J.A. talk show host. Had an awesome (though tiring) experience with the electric guitar. I believe I can do it... after a lot of practice! ha ha. We did a very innovative video by first recording the audio and using it as a base for the video. I'm quite amazed at my portrayal of a... er... foreigner. Jason and I were laughing our heads off!

As with all things wonderful, our session came to an end, and I took (probably) one of the few remaining trains back home. Guess what I heard on Yes 933 as I walked home...? No wait, don't guess... I'll tell! It was a song by Zhang Xue You! Influenced by my dad; I love his songs. Awesome vocals and meaningful lyrics. It's a pity I suck at Mandarin; couldn't catch the title of the song, though I miraculously connected the tune barely one second into the song!

Woohoo... 2 UTs out of 3 UTs over for the week. 1 more to go!

#74 !!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! I officially know FIVE DIFFERENT Jasons personally. There's Jason the drummer, Jason the electric guitarist, Jason the power ranger lover (*high five*), Jason the pool guy and Jason my cousin! But that's not what I'm excited about. I'm heading to Jason the e. guit's house after school for some (amateur) jamming!

Class today is as usual, boring. We're supposed to do a pitch; kind of finished it 3 hours early because I was afraid we'd overshoot the presentation time. So now I'm left with time on my hands. bor.............................................snore.

P.S. RP's new canteen r o c k s . . . ! ! !

#73 Silliness!

2006-07-23T01:05:00.000-07:00

Call me silly or what you wish. wahahahaha, I'm a testimony of foolish joy.

I used to wonder how come people can keep a smile on their faces inspite and despite everything they go through. Well, I haven't exactly found their reason why, but I've found my own reason why; I don't want to be a wasteful person. 60 secs to scowl, frown, pout, rail, simmer, then turn around and smile. There are way too many things to worry or be sad about. We only have 24 hours each day, how many are we going to spend without any profit? Give thanks to up our feel-good factor, then devote the rest of the time to building a reason to be happy.

I am an extremely egoistic person. When someone shouts at me, I start to get angry at the abuse. When circumstances turn darker, I start to despair. When I don't get the response I seek, I become discouraged. And when I think back, why am I the centre of my attention?

Way back I used to look at peoples' discouraged MSN nicks and feel for them, but it didn't get anywhere. Then I found Jesus and started to wonder why they didn't find Him. A few months later I started to encourage these people. I realised after a while it didn't work out; I ain't ultraman or something; I couldn't encourage all of them. Now I just feel like living my life as best as I can; with Jesus, so that I can show them that encouragement comes from Him.

But this is different from putting a false front. People can sense a pretense. Rather, be happy because you truly get it, and don't hide it within when you do.

I guess some practical pointers to start with would be to:
1. Give up your grudges
2. Desire to desire to have
3. Envision a positive goal
4. If you want to do it, do it to the best!

There's something mysterious about Jacob. I'm going to study him. :D

#72 Pfffffft!

2006-07-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

Okay... My blog titles are getting more and more random/incoherent/superfluous, whatever you call it. Class, as I mentioned previously, was horrendously boring. The preparation part I mean. Presentation rocked. So did Tears of the Black Tiger. Cool movie; should find and watch it one day. Asian films do 'bite'. :P

And then there was the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. PS!!! All of you PS us!!! PFFFFTTT!!! Grrr... Rawr! Eat that! Am glad I watched it though. I fell totally into the fantasy world for that 2 1/2 hours. Add in the popcorn frenzy....YEAH, it couldn't get better, better... as in... erm, I think you get what I mean.

The rest must have been thinking I'd gone cuckoo after the movie. Kept grinning and stuff. I guess it's a result of my movie deprivation. Film Critique class doesn't count; I observe the films; I don't watch them for recreation. Anyway, back to the grinning part. I mean, I really was awed by the movie. The sheer effort it takes to create such a film; I mean, the looooong credits give you a brief idea already... I kind of liked the way it ended; promising a 3rd instalment!

I mean, I really really really felt lucky to have watched the movie; some people don't even have television to watch! Woohoo! *Don't mind my exuberance, not often you see me in a state of delirium... or not* Anyway, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley rock! Ha ha. Jesus rocks!

#71 Give Me...

2006-07-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

Random title. No idea what to put there. I'm seriously ROTTING.... in class. There's NOTHING to do! Games are boring. MSN is boring. Class is boring. Argh! The four white walls are driving me crazy T_T..."! It's seriously the first time in a long time that I can slack in RP... but I'm not enjoying it...! I can't self-entertain, I can only self-high! Someone NUDGE me and play games!

#70 Up Down Left Right

2006-07-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

Distractions. Directions. Reflections. Projections. Deflections. Implications.

Do it well, Windez. Do it well.

RP 1 & 3 CG today, but I sat in. Learnt a lot about CG... I mean, it was amazing just looking at how versatile the CG was. Bring it back. Help me divinely.

Centre.

#69 Give Me More.

2006-07-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Jesus. I need You. More than ever. I want to rely solely on You.

Evangelism today didn't reap much. Learning point: go earlier! Also have to prepare a new survey le... We did get to know a few friends from City Harvest Church. I only remember Jing Wei though. He's a cool year 1 guy who wants to know if there's a semi-religious IG. Too bad there isn't, it's forbidden in RP. But I'm really glad to get to know him! God's people rock, encouraged by him!

I'm still feeling the reverberating effects of the bus evangelism. Much more courage now, than before. I will see it through!

Had a cool chat with Jason the electric guitarist. We've got like 4 Jason's in RP, 2 in RP ministry so I'l call him Jason E from now on, LOL! Very encouraged by this brother's spirit of concern for people and straightforwardness. Looking forward to the video he made! He was so excited about it, and I'm very glad for him. You go and show them how it's done dude!

We talked about employment just now at Mac. Coincidentally, Sharon sms-ed me regard employment at Bravissimo. I hope they will hire me! Ha ha. I need to save for the missions trip. I ain't got a bank account to freely access. In fact, I've only just gotten my first cashcard with value (RP student card doesn't could, since I never used it as a cashcard)! Talk about primitive.

Read Ephesians 4:29 again. Unwholesome talk. Needs. Benefit. Key words.
Out from the overflowing of the heart the mouth speaks. I need to start being less suaning ha ha. Culture must change.
Specific on needs, to benefit them. I'll meditate!

Doodle, scribble, ponder, dream... Where? r u?

#68 ^^

2006-07-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Made new friends today. I kind of forgot their names though, LOL! Had a wonderful pool session just now. Originally very reluctant to go. I kind of made an excuse of my lack of funds, but I had forgotten the fact that the cost was shared. Though I don't go crazy over the sport, I admit I kind of like it. Made many stupid mistakes; I could even misfire like more than 10 times, giving the rest a free ball once every like what... 5 rounds?!

Above all, I really thank God for the opportunity to be around non-believers and enjoy it. A few times I witnessed my own indecisiveness. I'll take note! Yesterday's bus evangelism trip has really made a great impact; I realised I've become more courageous than before. Praise God! And now, I've got a new verse to meditate on; Ephesians 4:29! Suggested by Joyce from the High School group who coincidentally is a classmate of our non-believer friend and a testimony to how God can change peoples' tongues to speak encouragingly. Wahahahaha. I was just suan-ing my shepherd. :X Not everyone has the privilege okay; it's called personalised treatment.

Wahaha saw a breakthrough today; I was pretty surprised my prayers were answered so quickly. I hope it snowballs. Glad for the person. Perhaps next time I'll share.

On the worship side of things; I'm having trouble with my guitar! It seems like my phenomenal progress was just a short-lived one. Oh well, I'm going to buck up on my training. Guitarist for Christ! Woohoo! I sure suck right now, but I won't when I'm through with it!

And thank God for all who are praying for me, caring for me, and trusting me. Jesus is alive! Woohoo.

._. There's this squirmy feeling in my stomach. ._.

#67 If...

2006-07-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

If this isn't faith-expanding, I don't know what is! WE SHARED CHRIST ON THE BUS JUST NOW! Woohoo! Feeling exuberant now! DMM was a short one; Nel sent us out to share Christ on the public buses in groups of 3-4. I was with Faith and Xue Ting.

The whole experience was nerve-wrecking. Imagine sitting there on the upper deck of the bus with everyone looking non-chalant and you yourself feeling as if you're going to melt like ice-cream anytime. I was like, "God, must I really?" I didn't have any other excuse; I was too liquid to think of any. I just said, "God, you put words into my mouth, you lead me like you lead Reinhart Bonnke." And off I went. I stood up feeling like a total lunatic...for Christ.

As I began to share, my faith grew. Not many people were listening; some looked away while others got annoyed. Thankfully a few looked at me thoughtfully. A couple who were believers started to alight and as they did, the brother told me, "Brother, I admire your faith." It meant the world while I was there pouring my heart out for Christ, my defenses stripped away. It wasn't long before a lady told me, "I think it's very dangerous for you to be standing while the bus is moving." Full of the Spirit, this time, I replied, "Okay, I'll share while seated then." I felt for the lady when she turned away in annoyancel, because Jesus loves her too.

When I had said my piece, another lady believer applauded, "that was perfect." I knew it wasn't, but I know up there, just as with the lady, Jesus is proud. Not because I've done a miracle or something, but because I obeyed. Though no one was saved today, I believe something inside me stirred. I saw believers whom I didn't know become strengthened by my actions, and I praise God for that.

Thank you Nel, for saying, "Let's be revolutionary," and for initiating it all. You rock. You all rock. Jesus rocks.

#66 I Suddenly...

2006-07-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

I suddenly feel the extreme urge to write about my weekend rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. I don't know about anyone else, but it seems to me that Service day and Sunday are always the days when I struggle the most. Seems to me the devil is very wise (in the world's standards), attacking at the point where it most matters; spiritual imput. And I can't force feed the Word to anyone, but perhaps to encourage them.

Today was bad. I came out feeling like a loser, honestly. Attendance at Water Baptism, dismal, I'm sorry to say. And I've people who have the cheek to ask who else didn't go. Why not ask yourself, "why didn't I go?" Chew on that, I'm not going to be nice; the time for niceties is up.

And then something surprised me. Sam asked me to join them for a game of soccer. I'm really really grateful he did that; it still amazes me how much I was affected by that simple gesture. And Lennon, Ming Kuang and the other guys were friendly too! I had an awesome time.

At this point I'd like to confess something; I'm extremely unfit. I mean, I haven't played soccer for like 4 years and I haven't exercised seriously for like close to 2 years. Barely 10mins into the game I was grasping my chest, out of breath. I'm glad controlled breathing helped a lot though, so I managed to last till the first player switch. And the brothers were really gracious, encouraging me all through the match. And that whole incident inspired me a lot ... I've got some ideas, he he.

And then I went on to salvage a situation. I still remember fidgeting all through the bus ride, wondering what other options I haven't exhausted. I still don't know whether I succeeded or failed. I've gone to the point of even crying straight right out at him. Take control, little dude... I don't know what else to do, except that I do have a plan for what to do from now on.
Energy management --> Bombastic word; can I make it so?

Jasmine once said this; I have merciful eyes. LOL! And I've been pondering about that. Why so? And if so, how does that help? I mean, I don't want merciful eyes for the sake of having merciful eyes; they should be of use! (If anyone doesn't understand, either ask Jasmine, look at my eyes or just ignore this paragraph. x_x)

Thank God for all the people around. I'm feeling very much better than just now.Thank God for my little catch-up with my secondary school friends. You guys mean the world to Jesus. Can I be the vessel?

#65 Jesus Triumphs!

2006-07-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

I loved Holy Communion duty. It's a once in every *insert duration* thing. So bonds the team together! And I love my infocounter ministry! I used to think Kar Shun was shy and reserved. Used to. That guy's a pretty great joker! Ha ha. Kept hiding in the cupboard during duty. Had a bash at infocounter. It's a pretty awesome ministry, getting to know the people you serve. The only downside is that I've got to miss the service, and my CG... hmm.

The battle of the producers fight was a close one... but Jesus won. Above all, it wasn't about who won, but that God showed me a really wonderful thing; I can be significant. Both Alvin and I were pretty satisfied with our videos and that's all that mattered.

Had a great talk with Alvin. Has been ages since we last talked like that. I'm not sure you noticed, Tim, but I teared towards the end. I felt really really blessed having a brother like you and a ministry like RP. It's really an awesome responsibility. It took a paradigm shift to let me see what mattered.

I want the pics okay!

The train ride was cut short by a little humourous situation. I was sort of standing there and from of me there stood a guy who looked, well, erm... interesting. I'm pretty sure Xue Ping and her friend was having a pretty good laugh over at the other end of the line, but I certainly wasn't. I mean, o_O..."! Okay okay, I shouldn't judge. Still looked pretty freaky though. Glad we didn't get off the same stop! LOL!

So I've reached home, and everything seems kind of quiet. I'm pretty sure the rest are having fun over at DXO but who cares? I'm going to go do something productive now, and it's not sleep. Hehe.

:D

#64 Physics?

2006-07-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

You know how the mind always works faster than our actions. And how there's this thing in the air which screams," slow down!" It took me much to get my creative juices flowing. It took me, I'd say, a death unto myself to really do the video. It's like, I love the finished product, but I don't want to go through the grueling process. I face it; I'm lazy as anything. And honestly, I doubted my skills as an editor. I mean, come on, no experience, no training, no skills, lack of creativity, I couldn't see any result.

I took an extended sleep, a prayer directed at my work, a promise to give the glory to God, a whole segment of my time just observing the videos others did, toying around with Windows Movie Maker and numerous break in between. I could have avoid most of them if I had more faith, perhaps save the prayer and giving glory to God.

So I laboured. The teaser came out much better than I expected, and I was excited. But that wasn't enough to motivate me to completing the clip. There was so much internal battle within; so much struggling with doing the video and giving up halfway. Then suddenly, I lost it. It's funny how each time a breakthrough happens when I decide since I've started it, I'll end it. I was even on the verge of restarting the whole editing process.

But now, 15 hours later, I'm really glad I didn't. The clip came out pretty fine. I'm very honoured to complete with Alvin. He's sort of the one who inspired me to all this. Since the Bash Camp, I'm grateful for all these times. When he brought me to salvation, I'm sure he didn't expect all this.

Power-packed. I stand on shaky feet. Delirious.

When I look at myself, I see the opposite of Paul. His faith, perseverance, stature, drive, reliance on God, self-denial, contentment.

****

I never wanted to be an elder brother, but that's plain selfish. I've always wanted to be the younger, protected one. I've always looked up at my elder brother as the alpha-male. From the "treasure maps" to the "treasure island", I've always looked upon him with awe. It came to a point I realise on hindsight, I totally ignored my younger brother. To me, my elder brother was all it mattered. I still wonder where those food recipes we took for treasure maps are now. And in those tiny grass patches we took for treasure islands, a single 1-cent coin or bottle cap meant the world. Every computer game I sat by my elder brother's side, being his chief advisor and strategist, while keeping on the lookout for any hotspots through the radar. That's how I learnt how to keep a close watch and even base my sight on my radar nowadays. Should anything wrong come about, I knew my elder brother would always be at the controls, steering through every rough patch. And when it came time for kindergarten, I cried terribly when I got lost on the way home or something. I guess that's what spawned my bad sense of direction; dependence.

Deep inside, more than a decade's worth of reliance can't be erased that quickly. Each time I'm faced with a trouble ahead, I reminisce about the days when my hands were small. It didn't help; it always made me feel small.

God brought a fresh new breath into my life. He came in and set upon me a replacement elder brother (Alvin) and sister (Pearline) into my life, to get me on my feet. But unlike the elder brother I've grown out of; they didn't stop at helping me through my life as were a guardian; they taught me how to be the elder brother, and that I should always be mindful that in the case I get flustered, there's always Dad from on high. Sometimes it still is hard, but I must say I prefer my current life to the sheltered one before. What if I were a little boy in a man's body all my life? No, I don't think I could forgive myself; let alone live with it.

****

2006-07-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

Battle Of The Producers

A little promo I made! Stay tuned for the finals; Saturday 15 2006!

#62 Woohoo!

2006-07-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've officially been a guitarist in CG today! Not worship guitarist yet, but that's a start! I mean, the whole group of us started off learning at the same time, but we all petered out one after another. Thank God for the lack of a guitarist in my CG, kind of like a motivation for me!

And I've started to appreciate harmonising music. Think "Penny & Me" by Hanson. I still remember listening to that song on the radio in sec4, when I was studying for my O lvls in school at night. Man it was cool! Nostalgia, nostalgia!

Next up, I want to learn how to cook! I also want to brush up on my photoshop skills! Today's animation class was cool; forced to learn a new editing style by PBL. Fruitful though; I still remember the commands by heart, after having replicated the same commands over 10 times, and using the action buttons over 40 times!

Command:
Open picture. Ctrl-J (copy background). Ctrl-Shift-U (Halftone pattern on background copy). Ctrl-J (copy background). Ctrl-I (Invert background copy 2). Change background copy 2 overlay to color dodge. Gaussian blur (I used 10.0 units for this particular project) to finish.

To make use of the action buttons, open the History window and go to the Action tab. Create new Action and follow the commands above. End action record. Now each time you load a picture, all you have to do is click play Action and everything gets does just the way you set it. Pretty neat; good for mass-production, especially for our stop-motion-esque animation. :D

#61 Class, Animation!

2006-07-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

I need some animation. Can see cobwebs in my hair. It's quite a contradiction; an animation class but the animator needs to be animated. Okay never mind, that was random.

I really really didn't want to go to school today; Elder brother took leave and younger brother had MC.

And now I'm stuck in school doing photoshop... I'm really looking forward to the weekends!

#60 Hmmm...

2006-07-12T01:21:00.000-07:00

You know what's the reason why we always feel lethargic and weak and low on faith? Because we do things for the sake of doing, we give our very heart and soul into what we do. And as if that is not enough, discouragement comes and saps our energy. But why then, do others not feel as bad as us? Several simple reasons:

1. We take ourselves important far too much.
2. We don't refresh ourselves enough.

It's far too easy getting moody and angry and helpless when we are put down or when we fail at something. I mean, what else can we do when everything seems bad? What we think and feel becomes what is real. Pity. If Jesus did, we'd be worse off than we are now. I can cite so many different examples; getting wrongly accused of things I didn't do, doing all I can in my current state but yet being blamed as if I've done nothing at all, getting bullshit and being ignored for concerned shown. But all these are common to everyone else! What right then do I have if others don't? Don't compare troubles; you'll just end up feeling more troubled. Compare blessings! The fight that I didn't get into yesterday, thanks to restraint brought by the Holy Spirit, the face I didn't slap even though I was boiling inside; all these I've never managed before I manage now by the grace of God. What about you? Always relate it to yourself.

It's easy to just go home and chat and in general pass life. It's hard making the effort to pray to Him who we do not see, or read His Word. It's easy to hide all of our private lives. But it will all show. It doesn't take a genius; all it takes is a simple word from God to unveil pretension and a carefully crafted facade. I hate the attitude," Don't like it? Then don't do it!", more so because I myself struggle with it. I mean come on, don't blame others, don't grieve others for what you don't want to do. I can't imagine the pain God feels from all of us, if I can be grieved so easily by one similar to myself. Pray, pray, pray! I'm very much more imperfect and fragmented than others, but God uses the foolish to shame the wise. I'm trying to change, shouldn't you too?

If you see problems; seek to change them, not complain.
Judge and be judged, improve and be improved.

#59 How Interesting

2006-07-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

Somehow I've got super-heightened senses after that super long extended (in my case) prayer. I suggest you try it; pray for your whole Unit person by person. You'll see what I mean. Along the way I started to have revelations over each individual too! I start to see the potential and thank God for each of them. Bible-reading was also a much more joyful time after that.

And before the Holy Spirit left me, I started practising my guitar; almost flawless strumming. How, I don't know. My mom was commenting it was pretty good even. It was a pity I hadn't memorised my chords well, so I was restricted to 1 or 2 songs. Oh well.

1/2 hour till I have to go to sleep.

Hope that strengthens!

#58 Wow

2006-07-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, I just feel like praying for everyone all over again. Yeah, a nightly prayer for a fruitful day!

Yesterday night, while I was praying, it suddenly came to my mind; why do we always look downcast as if we want to go to hell, but not upwards as we really want to go to heaven?

Had a hard time denying myself today. I really want to think beyond myself, beyond criticism and into my purpose. Evax was fruitful today! While walking home just now, I really thanked God and prayed that He becomes the centre of my life. The true core. Was also very encouraged that my classmates Jie Han and Janice went for Campus Crusade meeting today!

Maybe I ain't good with words. Maybe I don't got courage. Maybe I'm the weakest link in the universe. Still You chose me. And so far, I've never seen You let down anyone, nor ever will.

:D Right now, a smile is all I want.

#57 Class Is Boring.

2006-07-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

So terribly boring. My eyes are watering. Wish I'd skipped today's class. Feels as if we're doing Year 1 Cognitive skills and Communication skills all wrapped in one today. Research skills. Tell me about it.

And when I'm bored, my mind starts to wander. So does my heart.

Maybe I should come up with an emergency list of what to do during boring lessons.

Teach me a lesson about You today.

#56 Tonight

2006-07-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start a prayer chain. Holy Spirit spill forth Your renewal and revival on everyone. Every RPian to be refreshed. Let's get this rolling throughout God's people!

RP Campus:
Jason (Drummer),
Dao,
Zheng Xi,
Alvin,
Windez,
Shu Hui,
Heng Yu,
Crystal,
Jovin,
Jason (Guitarist),
Jerrome,
Cedric,
Wei Jian,
Avril,
Martin,
Sharon,
Elaine,
Varun,
Ming Li,
Jasmine,
Jeremy,
Yan Xiang.

2 souls per CG in 3 weeks. We need a miracle. God is real, we will believe.

Empower my mouth, as You blessed Isaiah. Give me courage, as You gave Joshua. Instill in me diligence, as You did in Elisha.

I fear making mistakes because I haven't grasp the truest love that brings forth courage.
I deny myself in the face of criticisms, but I cannot deny that it affects me greatly.
But above all, I praise You now as I did when I first received You into my life.
This is no joke. Each day the Devil tempts me with challenges I cannot help but hold onto You. I know now I am less than nothing without You.
Make my life a testimony.

#55 It's Times Like These

2006-07-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

I feel I seem to know nothing at all. I don't seem to know what to think, what to do. But thank God for that inspiration of having a World Cup survey. I was thinking really hard about a possible topic for evangelism and if it were not for His prompting, I'd probably have taken one of those overused topics from before.

We had a little lunch celebration at Pizza Hut for Heng Yu's 19th birthday. It was a pretty quiet ceremony. Wish I had more creativity and $$$; might have been a more explosive celebration. Sorry little buddy, I suck at organising stuff. I promise to improve though! Took off for CT Rally straight after that.

CT Rally was awesome, though only Jovin and I represented RP. I'm kind of disappointed; the last Rally only Jerrome and I attended. I mean, it's not the number, but does it show anything about us and our commitments? I kind of get the feeling I'm expending time, not spending quality time on ministry.

So the leaders prayed for us. Was really glad Jovin was on stage with me. I kind of freaked out; there was no fore-warning. I'm glad though, that we did it the RP way; we did it together. Pearline's left a legacy of togetherness and a certain familial spirit within RP, but it seems to be fading. We need true compassion for our people!

I seem to have many doubts about myself and my abilities. It's a trying task, but I was strengthened by Ee Lee, a High School Hope leader who shared her testimony on stepping out in faith with regards to her gift of tongues and interpretation. Left me wondering, what's there to fear if even the impossible is achieved?

After the conclusion of the Rally, we went off back to PS to grab the birthday cake. Thank God for TP, even though I always "suan" them. They really made our day by joining us as we cut the cake. And you all who are reading this, a BIG THANK YOU! Heng Yu was tearing on the way back. The company was a balm to my heart too. That's what I want my group to be; one that cares. You have given me a goal to work to, TP!

Many thoughts threatened to catch my attention on the train ride home, but I blocked off the rest save two:

1. Remember to thank the people who made the celebration a success.
2. What's next?

And then I was cut off. Curfew, rules.

...Ah well, it's time for class.

#54 Yes! It's All Done!

2006-07-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

The debate is finally completely PREPARED! Mwahahahaha. Andrew, Cedric, Cherish, Yin Luan and myself slogged hard for this day. Contemporary Church WFL is so happening! We had a Q&A session last week, having a debate this week and are going to the pubs soon! Now the purpose isn't to get drunk and experience a hangover, but to understand on field what it means to tackle clubbing issues.

And once again I'm amazed by the progress with my classmates. It's only been a week since I didn't feel like going to class. But I did, I received counsel from my facilitator and I worked on it! The result is awesome, I can't thank God enough! I mean, imagine, one of the few classmates I never thought I could ever talk to, I did! How cool is that? And I've began to learn more about them; sometimes I've just got to learn to open my life to them... WOW!

And I was very encouraged by Andrew yesterday night! I think it'd be a good idea if us CLs all band together and create a strong encouragement and support group to grow together! Let's go at that dudes!

Didja know trivia:
Care Leaders are known corporately as Team Captains. o_O"!

#53 Couldn't Have Been Better

2006-07-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

Woke up to an aching body and an extremely sore throat. Add in the rain and my lack of sleep. Anyone in my shoes might have just gone back to sleep. Nevertheless, I had this excitement and desire to attend classes. Don't ask me why; you won't get a satisfactory answer, just as I myself haven't. I mean, it's crazy!

So I did attend class. Enjoyed most of the day. I mean, we had some fun and games because of some MoneySense booth. I even realised what a shot I was! ha ha. I used to believe I couldn't aim because of my eye condition. Guess not. Mwahahaha.

Had shepherding after school. I was supposed to get a haircut too, but they closed earlier than I had expected! *hmph* So I'm stuck with that nerdy-looking retarded hairdo. Well that's all going to change tomorrow, because I've made an appointment! Wahahahaha.

Met Jie Han, a fellow classmate from a different church, on my way home. It was a pleasant surprise; encouraged me tons. He has a very positive outlook on life and people; a product of God's grace! Amen! ha ha. Really thank God that he was there not only to pass the boredom, but encourage and enlighten me on the ongoings in class. And God is faithful. From the day I decided I'd change my perspective of my classmates, things have really been transforming.
God is good!

And that marks the end of Thursday, July 06, 2006 in my life!

#52 Life In RP

2006-07-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

Life in RP

Tim Alvin made this. I think it full exemplifies why it means to be an RPian in Hope Ministry. God is good, I teared, but not so much for my numerous hairstyle fiascos, as for all that has happened.

To Alvin: You Rock!
To Jesus: You Rock FOREVER!

#51 It's Amusing: Possible Professions

2006-07-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

I don't think I can be a professional gamer. Guess I don't have the patience to. I like to get into the game, do some major ownage, then get out of it before the smoke clears. And I absolutely can't stare at the screen fighting the same old monsters over and over again, or restarting the round like every 5mins. So, ya, it ain't fated. I guess just playing it well will have to suffice. :X

I'd like to have a shot at being a teacher, though I don't know why. I mean, isn't it cool shaping the next generation to being one of a Godly character. Besides, I don't mind sharing my pay during class treats; least I get to feel younger! *Alarm* On the other hand, I ain't very much of an educator. Oh well.

I love English. I love words. I love the way a twist in words bring about a whole new meaning to the sentence and how each and every alphabet makes a difference. I love grammar and prepositions. I love expository and argumentative writing. I think I'm going to be a journalist! That's if I learn to love the research and bibliography part. - _ - "...

Oh boy, I'm out of ideas. Maybe I shall go and work in the church office. *faints* HA HA

#50 Perspectives

2006-07-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

I used to think info-counter ministry was something very mediocre. I'm glad I know otherwise now. Went for a little briefing at Nexus just now, updates on some stuff. Pretty cool for a first time! I must have had the weirdest name there, because they had me repeated my name 4 times over, LOL. Anyway, just want to share some insights on my ministry, which I've come to grow fond of.

It isn't about the glory, its about the people we meet, the people we converse with. I mean, just standing there seeing people buying encouragement cards to bless others, buying resources with which to supplement their intake of God's Word or even paying their tithings and offerings keeps me encouraged. These are the same people I am and will grow with all the way! I guess the rest must've been wondering why I was so hyper on my shift; it's an opportunity to serve! I kind of miss having duty already! LOLZ.

Scrambled... The puzzle.

#49 Ouch.

2006-07-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

****This section of the post is days' overdue****

Oh my....................God. Jerrome's contact, Jun Long, betted and won 7 games in a row. SEVEN World Cup games. He even went to the extent of betting all his $100 earnings on the Germany match. Now he's $200 richer. Darn.

Guess I've been brainwashed by Jerrome and his Oliver Kahn paraphernalia. Germany rocks! Imagine three crazy guys, Vincent, Ming Kuang and myself staring at the little lag-infested laptop, watching the match through an extremely unreliable streaming station. It was a sight to behold. Us 3 I mean. :P Finally saw the wild sight of those two. I mean, Vincent's usually cool-headed as a cucumber. :X

I was pretty surprised by the strength of the Argentine camp. It's a pity their replacement goalkeeper lost them the game, and any chance of a shot at the title. Well anyway I guess we've gotta pity that guy; he's probably going through hell with his dismal performance. Can't really blame him or anything, its probably the pressure and all. Besides, I can't say I can play better than him.

**** The overdue portion ends here****

Yawn. Had a long night's sleep; 14 hours. Haven't had that in months. Speaks volumes about my disdain for sleep (More time you sleep, less time you have to do things, but don't quote me on that!). Couldn't join the rest for the whole of the CL retreat; curfew. I mean, 11pm curfew???!!! *faints* I did manage to join them for the dinner though. 3 bowls of porridge (all half eaten, 'cos we shared!). Boy did I feel like a bag of water.

I guess I felt a bit weird hanging around with the CLs. Felt out of place and all. But I thought about it and prayed to God.

On a more serious note, I really thought hard about things. Seems like I've really got some things against my dad. I guess the curfew just made me lose it all. I keep wondering, is it my pride, or is it really my dad? Didn't help that he treats my feedback and rebellion. Oh boy, I've got quite a mess to handle...

Jesus guide me.

#48 Where's My Family When I Need Them?

2006-06-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

Out. Out. Out. It's a bummer they want me to be at home when they get back. Thanks for the "I am disappointed in you," sms dad. You know what? Vice versa. I'm seriously tired of explaining anything. You ask for feedback, but what I say, you regard as rebellion. Seriously, I'd have gone off to my grave were it not for God and the rest. Everyday would have been a deeper sink into depression, just like when I was younger; when you didn't know. I honestly can't remember when you last encouraged, but I can clearly remember the last time you said you were disappointed in me. Once yesterday night, once this morning, when I came back. I can't be your perfect robot, you understand?

I'm left wondering, why in the world do people carry handphones when they expect not to use them? I really can't stand going home everyday facing scolding and discouragement. I mean sometimes I stay up late just to wait for dad, and before I can say anything, he starts scolding and stuff. You know how hard I prayed yesterday God.

Help me through this.

#4 I Can't Wait For The Weekends!

2006-06-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Friday. One more day. *Drags himself to the next day*

So close. Had Care Group today. o_O..."! Nel had a change of hairstyle. Quite shocked, but at least she don't look so auntie :X. I'm tired. Many of us are tired. Really thank God for Nel, who reminded us to search within. Our purpose, our purpose, our purpose. Can someone drill it into me? Deep within me. Make it not just our purpose, but my purpose. I want to own and know it.

This week's been slow. Very. And I wonder why. Is it because of the UTs? Or the dental? Ah well, got to go.

#46 A Testimony!

2006-06-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

It's a first. I'm glad God intervened. To be able to speak with my classmates as friends and not be wary of them; awesome. I'm really glad I discarded all perceptions. Well most. At times I still don't know what to say, but I guess the whole environment's improved a lot. It really motivates me to come to school! I'm surprised I didn't skip class today even though I had the chance. But then again, God works wonders! :D

Bit by bit. Today's a weird day. Got a strange feeling. Hmmm.............

#45 I Ask Myself

2006-06-25T04:12:00.000-07:00

What's the purpose of my blog? Somehow through the meet-up with Ben just now, we came upon this question. I guess my original intention was to testify to God's love in my life, on top of satisfying my deep passion for writing. Through the past few weeks though, I guess Scrummy's purpose now has changed. So what's Scrummy still here for?

To encourage.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but encouragement is something I've learnt, that comes less and less as we take up leadership. Looking back, I've seen days when I'm in a limbo. I mean, the between the leaders and the rest, there honestly doesn't seem to be anyone in between to talk to. Some of us feel this way; others don't. Yet encouragement, whether upwards or downwards, is beneficial for building people out.

And for everyone out there who's reading this, give yourself a pat on your back. :)

School tomorrow, once again. It's going to be another challenge getting to know my classmates better. *breathes* I'm ready!

#44 Courage

2006-06-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

Windez's not a very courageous person. I guess that's exactly what God wants to build in me. Find it excruciatingly difficult to build up this part of my life, considering my muted childhood and silent teenagehood.

I guess the Xiao gang can identify, but most, if not all of you aren't reading this blog. We've drifted too far; my fault. I'd start off a race thinking I'd lose. Self-prophecies. Worked a long way to get this far, all thanks to the grace of God.

But that's not at all an excuse. Joshua's a shining example. Leading the Israelites when for 40 years Moses could not find the way. Beyond that; he led the Israelites to drive the natives out of the land to claim the inheritance God gave them. What fortitude. What about Jeremiah? At the greenest of youth, being made to prophesy not words of encouragement, but words of judgement and despair. What faith.

Where am I? I refuse to say, far from their standards. I'm on my way. RP doesn't have the luxury of a UL yet. I call it a luxury because I believe RPians are tough. We can make it. We can succeed in building a biblical group that's strong within and without. It's just a matter of faith, courage and willingness. I'm going to surround myself with biblical people to grow biblically. I'm going to be the disciple with the goal of discipling.

I'm going to put into practice what I've learnt. And that means starting with sleeping early. I'm off to get some restful sleep. You should too. ;)

#43 God Will Make A Way

2006-06-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

God will make a way. For my CG, and for myself. Very encouraged after the dinner with Lester and Stanley. Agreed. Challenges hide potential within. Really thank God for these two bros. Encouraged me a lot!

Mwahahahaha, I won the food fight and the chilli fight. This place is my turf! :P

Had considerably lesser rice today than before; 3 mega big plates? Both Stanley and Lester were felled by the spiciness of the chilli.

So we had Emping (Belinjo crackers), Sambal Belacan (chilli), Onde-Onde (pandan sugar balls, explodes in your mouth!) and Godok Pisang (banana balls) for appetizers.
The main course was Ayam Pemuda (fried chicken meat), Sayur Lodeh (curry veggie, my favourite kind), Sambal Udang (Chilli prawns, less spicy) & the all-time favourite Sate Ayam (chicken satay).

1 word to describe it all, bloated.

There is power all around. Even in the seemingly weakest of us, there is power!

#42 Ponder...

2006-06-23T02:21:00.000-07:00

Ever felt guilty missing out on ministry? Or when you take time off to rest, you get that icky feeling that you aren't making productive use of your time? I have. Well good news:

Rest is productive. Relaxation is productive.

And sometimes, being physically present, getting into the habit of doing ministry, we lose focus of what God really wants for us; a balanced life. We start to get obsessed at every point in our waking life, and feel guilty about taking that 1 day's off. And that isn't what God wants for us. Now now, don't go around quoting this post and saying we shouldn't participate in ministry. What I mean is, sometimes, do we take a step back and evaluate, is the focus on God, or are we, in our obsession, doing ministry in habit? Are we habitual/ministry-centred Christians or Christ-centred Christians?

Often times, this is the reason why we experience burn-out. Things spiral out of control and our life is shambles. Looking back, it isn't difficult to pile all blame on ourselves, that we aren't doing enough. Take time to give yourself that God-sent boost. Take time to seek Him in totality. Remember, We can never do enough; only more. In doing more, we should become more, not less.

Simple questions to ask yourself:
1. Have you made small talk with your Father today?
2. Stop being so serious/rigid in your QT, God wants you to be comfortable in His presence.
3. Not only should you hear, but apply!

****

#41 ZZZZzzzz

2006-06-22T05:43:00.000-07:00

Get the psychatrist!

I wish I could get angry. LOL. But I can't! I'm just laughing and laughing at the whole incident. Boarded a train toward Somerset 'cos Alvin said there was going to be an adult drama rehearsal today and we can learn much from them. So I gullibly went along. Guess what? When we reached Newton, Alvin received a call, and promptly proceeded to inform me that we need not continue the journey; the rehearsal was tomorrow. Thanks ah! So ya, I took the train bound for Boon Lay back. And the whole journey lasted 1 hour and 45 minutes.

And I thank God for my facilitator. She talked to me today, regarding my recent (okay, so not so recent) withdrawal. She pointed out something about God's grace which really struck me. If Christians do not offer the grace of God which we have, to people whom we cannot get along with, who will? (Something along that lines... I was mentally comatose) Patience, understanding, everything which I strive so hard to nurture in myself, where are they when I go back to my class, to the real world? Thank God for Amy!

Caregroup yesterday was amazing. God worked wonders as even the new believers bonded and enjoyed themselves. I was really encouraged by the attendance! Went to Esplanade with RP1, 3 and 4! We had amazing games and during one of the games, we had to link Chinese words. I came up with two which set the crowd roaring with laughter. Here they are with their English counterparts:

Fireman: Huo Ren
Confused: Tou Luan

Then there's of course the forfeits, which Jason (drummer) and I had to do. We had to convince a couple nearby to buy a packet of tissue. I had to act as a blind man, while Jason was mentally unsound but acted as my guide. LOL!

#40 A Life Worth Living, A Reflection

2006-06-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

Alvin just shared with me a very awesome attitude I want to emulate. It's nothing new, but put across in a refreshing way.

Treat what we face as challenges and not difficulties.

The "difficulties" mentality has us envison what we face as something which actively threatens to overcome us.
The "challenges" mentality, on the other hand, has us envision that what we face is something which is passive, but which we should overcome.
So which is a more positive outlook? And I don't even need to rant about the beneficial effects of positivity... I hope.

There's a certain power in knowledge. In realising your life is now not your own. You can certainly do so much more, because personal hardship is something that is secondary. And you know why spiritual growth's so important to me? That's because as a CL, I don't only have my own life to lead, but all those whom I'm taking care of. And then there's my sheeps and the people that I love. We all want to see our loved ones succeed in life don't we?

Yet for those who are still striving to rise up, there's something I absolutely have to say. Rising up is an honourable decision! It's not about the position, because we as leaders serve. Our purpose is in people, just as Christ' sacrifice was for us. For in love He came and in love He died.

****

I've often heard, and myself have been guilty of this, "It's in my nature, that's why I cannot change."
What about Paul, who changed from a fervent persecutor of the Christian ("sect" they called it, in those days), into the very man who by the grace of God wrote Philippians, Ephesians and the other letters of the New Testament?
I still remember a time I was a hot-headed kid who also struggled with vulgarities. Miraculously God changed in weeks what I struggled for years to control. Remember, if God is not God of all then God is not God at all!
Change, if we believe (which is in itself, faith), can occur. There is no such thing as because I've always been shy, that I cannot be confident. I mean, come on, Windez was once the quiet Khian Wui who stuttered in his speech.

****

Help me to self-evaluate before I evaluate others. Yeah!

#39 I Love You Jesus

2006-06-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

God just brought back that whole feeling of being loved and under His grace a moment ago. The Bible is amazing. De javu; back when I was a new believer, the reasons why I read the Bible, fast-forward to now. God you are amazing. And I give thanks to You.

And I have to thank Alvin for talking to me just now. Self-pity is a wicked trap. It happens when you feel that you are unworthy to do anything, and it drains your energy. I guess it pretty much sums up what I was feeling the past few weeks. A Care Group seemed more than what I could handle, and by that thought I made it real. Self-defeating prophecies. Sometimes I didn't know who to confide in, who to turn to. In an ever-tightening hole. But it is not for me to judge whether or not I am worthy, because God has laid His grace upon me, so my lack of worthiness is of no consequence. I have so much untapped potential!

I finally understand the gravity of the verse; no longer I but Christ in me. Thank God for people I am around.

#38 The Sidewinder

2006-06-18T08:20:00.000-07:00

...
...
...

#37 Grrrr

2006-06-18T02:36:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of annoyed at my specs. Lousy grip; all it does is just fall off my face. I mean come on, you wear a pair of spectacles so you can see through it, not have it fall off every 5 seconds. Caused me quite a bit of embarrassment at the infocounter as I stared cock-eyed at my customers after taking them off.

Yesterday was a slightly teary night, after sending my shepherd off on a holiday. It's just 4 days, everyone was saying. Yet, you see, I'm kind of the emo-kind. So yeah, no need to ask what happened. Pity I didn't see her go off into the departure hall. Well anyway, I've got 1 CG to plan for with Elaine, time to get courageous, as God told Joshua. Ahhhh!

So I reached home at 9.30am this morning and was hoping for a long rest. Guess not.

Okay time to get out of that lazy mood; something exciting's coming up! Contemporary Church WFL is so AWESOME! Highlights include a debate session (hehe, my fav), a presentation (another fav), AND ... ... ... A TRIP TO MOS! Wahahaha! I mean, Sam and Jasmine' going to take us to MOS! *delirious* o_O... until they said underage people would have to stay outside.
-_-"

Isolate challenges. Deal with them 1 by 1. Thank God.

#36 A Long Day

2006-06-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

TEN Praise and Worship songs. Uninterrupted. Pure God anointed. The whole week of sleepless nights have finally come to fruition. God rocks. Totally. Pretty trying day though. A lot of heartaches and stuff. But God will strengthen me. Mega thanks to Jason for praying for me.

And so I'm stuck at Ben's house because of the lack of transport home. Gosh I'm dead beat, eyelids barely open.

I still wish to spend Quiet Time.

#35 X_X

2006-06-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

3 more days to en Masse. in one accord

I'm nervous.

Help me look up, and not sideways. I am terrified!!!

#34 Blogger

2006-06-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

Recently Blogger.com's been giving me quite some headaches, so my posts can't come up when I want them to.

I need a counterbalance.

Tried to do something ambitious; a little write up on what I've learnt from Romans 8. So I failed. Oh well, I can always go back to it once more.

Skipped off to Hougang Plaza (across the island) for kbox with the rest. Didn't enjoy the trip at all! Thankfully, the meal was good (food glorious food!). Went off to Hougang Mall after that for a little walk. We took a trip down to Suntec for a meal (I didn't eat).

So I waited and waited for Heng Yu to get done. Heh, you know the cue, start speeding up, because the world ain't going to wait for you! Sorry ah Eilton, that's why we were late...LOL. I know, I know, not a good excuse. Anyways we had a fun time at NYP. *embarrassed* my 1st trip there.

Tried to look up Thomas; turns out he was having attachment somewhere across the island. Oh well. So the dudes at NYP got the 3rd place at the Bandzout competition! Gratz dudes! Had some makan and worship medleys. LOL FUN! I tell ya, we hit on a very good way to hang out. Going to develop on that!

So the trip back was relatively uneventful; took the last train back after seeing off Zani, a brother from NYP. Got to know him at Bandzout! He's Eilton's sheep, from Myanmar. Came to Singapore roughly a year ago, but he's adapting well to Singaporean food and stuff. It must be tough for people to live overseas without their parents. Well, at least he's got an older bro working here. An inspiration for all, this guy!

And I almost reached home. That's when I decided to drop by Mac for QT. Was reading Jeremiah 2:11-12 just as Germany scored the 2nd goal.

11 Has a nation ever changed its gods?
(Yet they are not gods at all.)
But my people have exchanged their Glory
for worthless idols.
12 Be appalled at this, O heavens,
and shudder with great horror,"
declares the LORD.

Shocked the guts out of me. How many times do we let our wants/desires overcome us in place of God? Those two verses stuck with me all the way home.

And I guess I've learnt something about myself. I want to rant. Can I?

#33 o_O

2006-06-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

It's crazy. One minute I'm fine and another I sit there feeling very very very insulted. Extrasensory premonition? Then suddenly I get angry. The whole point being that I wasn't provoked.

Hmmm, I drafted a super long post on trust but that didn't work out. Blog post turned into compost in one second. Grrr. But think about it, when we say, I trust you, how much do we really mean it. I mean, when things don't work out and everything starts to fall apart, how strong is that trust?

Then there's that issue of whether the trust is mutual or not, because with chaos on either side, success is nigh impossible. (To simply put it, if there is mistrust on either side, it won't work out)

Which is why I am amazed at the trust put in me by God. I fail, I fall, I crumbled, I shatter, yet each time He can take me back without disdain. I am this imperfect, self-inflicting creature because of sin, so unworthy. And I ask myself, how much can I extend this trust to my sheeps? Right there, there is this perfect example of a perfect shepherd. Perfect. It just makes me want to repent.

Divine Exchange. Sure, the environment shouldn't affect us. But often it does. Bring me back.

Its interesting how time and a single song can change my mood so drastically. I suddenly don't feel insulted anymore. It doesn't matter. I'm more concerned about improving stuff than getting angry and losing valuable time, energy at, well, getting angry.

Think I better get off now. Kbox tomorrow @ 11. At Hougang. Ugh.

I HOPE I CAN BY SOME MIRACLE READ THE CHINESE WORDS...

#32 Normally...

2006-06-05T04:58:00.000-07:00

Normally, I'd delete these kind of emails after a read. Or possibly cut and paste them in a Word document somewhere in my com before deleting them. I guess there are some things with this particular email which caught my attention.

****

The 'LITTLE' Things

As you might know, the head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One of them missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One went back to answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone... all the little things that annoy me. I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment...

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose. Pass this on to someone else, if you'd like. There is NO LUCK attached. If you delete this, it's okay: God's Love Is Not Dependent On E-Mail!
(That’s the cool part)

AMEN

****

So, why did it captured my attention? Well, for firsts, I felt this person really knew God. Other similar emails always add that 'luck' element (like send and be blessed, otherwise suffer consequences). God's love is not dependent on email!

I believe too, if a vessel doesn't wish to be used, God merely uses other people. So the question here isn't about whether God will bless you for what you've done, but that God will bless you because of who you are.

By the way, CG outing @ Sentosa on 7 June 2006! Meet @ HarbourFront MRT Station @ 11am! There'll be fun and games, food and fellowship!

#31 I Need Sleep

2006-06-04T05:37:00.000-07:00

Sleep deprivation sucks. Had a whale of a time, I tell ya.

Started off with meetings and stuff on Saturday afternoon. Also had my second info-counter duty! Info-counter rocks; you get to mix around with people you don't usually speak to when they come topay tithes or buy stuff! Info-counter duty this time round was interesting; the Youth Service 2 had to pay for WFL courses, so I had a lot of stuff to do. Couldn't copy notes from service, but I enjoyed the experience! Pity, we finished duty late. hAhAx.

After a brief "en Masse" hosting planning, we skooted off to the pool tables. Ironically, I didn't play; we took photos instead. A kind TP sister provided the cam. (Where's the pics???)

After some trivia, I FINALLY REACHED CECIL's house! Had quite a few rounds of mahjong, but we were like all dead from the day's activities. Skooted off to take a nap from 1+ to 3+, then resumed mahjong. Heh, that was the last of rest I had for the rest of the day.

Some things I learnt:
1) Tranferring ministries certainly takes some getting used to. I mean, it's like breaking away from the friends you've been used to so long and resettling in a foreign environment. Thank God for Cecil for participating and getting to know his new Care Group members! Adult Service's blessed to have you on board, bro!
2) I have a confession to make; I went for the sleepover (sort of) with an agenda. Now this might or might not be funny, but in any case, I'm indemnified to any possible consequences: I went there to learn how to conduct a successful sleepover. I've learnt that a sleepover has certain characteristics:
- Sleepover hinges on a particular activity (say mahjong for example)
- Sleepover doesn't usually mean sleeping
- Sleepover requires preparation in the form of early rest the previous day
- Sleepover is addictive

And so I had shepherding with Sharon, met my *new* sheep, Wei Siang, from TP (jia you bro! you can do it for your projects!) and shepherded my sheep, Heng Yu. So it's a day of meet-ups, follow-ups and learning!

Note to self: what's inside should complement, and not contradict what's outside.

#30 Holidays

2006-06-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

Holidays have started. Uhhh, so? x_x

It's powerful how songs can inspire and encourage us so much.

A snippet of We Are The Reason by Avalon:

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

He is the reason we live

And another:

Majesty

Here I am, humbled by Your Majesty (Humbled by the love that You give)
Covered by Your grace so free (Forgiven so that I can forgive)
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man (Here I stand, knowing that I'm Your desire)
Covered by the blood of the Lamb (Sanctified by glory and fire)

And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since You laid down Your life
The greastest sacrifice

Majesty Majesty
Your Grace has found me just as I am (Forever I am changed by Your love)
Empty-handed but alive in Your hands (In the presence of Your Majesty)

I need anointing like never before.

#29 Intellectual!

2006-06-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

History of the Word Part 1 by Mel Brooks. It's intellectually stimulating. A joke I share with my sheep, heh. (Wanna know what? Ask me!) Full of puns, satires and pure fun poking. The magic is in his word-power (makes me seem like an elementary school kid taking English as a third language...) Too bad it's pretty vulgar and unsuitable for younger audiences (sexual references here and there). Care Group attendance was dismal. Nevertheless, those who did turn up enjoyed the movie treat. Sharon laughed all the way till... you guessed it, she fell asleep. Never got that one; why she sleeps at almost every movie screening (save perhaps Phantom of the Opera, where everyone else sleeps).

Was camera friendly today. I didn't realise Ming Li's phone was,
1. 3G/bluetooth enabled (which is cool)
2. Super mega kick-ass camera (which is better than cool)
3. A non-Nokia phone which is actually good (okay so I'm biased on this one, who cares anyway?)

Got the nice pics, then realised when we transferred it over to Sharon's phone; all we could see was a black image because of the disparity in pixel quality. Pity, I don't get to have new wallpapers. =/ (Oh well, my shepherd's *ahem* face will have to do for now).

*SOUND THE ALARMS, SOUND THE ALARMS* SHARON'S PHONE IS MISSING!

And I'm counting down to my holidays. Somebody, stop me! xD

#28 I Just Thought About It

2006-05-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

As I grow in the Lord, I should be moving faster and faster towards Christ-likeness, and not slower! As it seems, and I hate to admit it, I'm getting to wish for more momentum in my growth. What about the rest of you guys? Do you, 1. Desire? If so, 2. Effort awaits you. Allowing you to, 3. Reap!

Tomorrow's going to be classy! CG's going to be awesome. God is going to move within our hearts, shake loose the foundations our sinful nature has on us! Watch out for an exciting segment and an even more exciting special guest! Classy! We'll outwit, outlast, outrun the Devil in this! God will assure that!

It's funny, how our emotions go roller-coast up and down. On the way home, I felt like crying. I felt quite helpless about the group. How can I sound the trumpet louder? How can I better rally the troops? How do you all want to be rallied?

When I fall, You break my fall. When I cry, You wipe my tears. When I dream, You provide the details. When I hurt, You rub the balm. When I pine, You fill the void. I am the reason that You died. You shall be the reason I live.

If only I could give my heart away. I'd give every part of it.

#27 Hmmm...!!!

2006-05-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

So much to say, yet so little brain juice. Suffice to say that the day was really really interesting. Met a NP brother, Ming Kuang, and a TP sister, Cindy, on the way home from skipping class. LOL. *Don't shoot me, but I finally know who's Ming Kuang! ha ha, didn't know him prior to adding him on MSN courtesy of Vincent.*

Travelled all the way from home at lazy Bukit Batok to happening Changi SAF Chalet for Pearl (Sharon's ex-classmate and current good friend)'s sister's birthday celebration. Learnt a little thing or two about leading worship from Alvin. It's so true; circumstances do affect people in so many ways. Today's affected my observation skills.

I am not going to sing worship. I am going to lead worship.

Often wondered why certain worship leaders' sessions impacted the congregation (whether big or small) more, while others less. Worship leading is all about creating the optimum atmosphere for the group to worship God, not sing worship songs louder than others. It isn't easy for a newbie to get the hang of it, but I believe I can do it. The Care Group will be impacted the God way. Systems do help, but being Spirit-led is key. Anticipate as we take worship to the next level in RP2/4 this Thursday!

Inspired to expire. Induced to produce. Humbled by circumstances, gladdened by grace.

I am so proud of the cross that hangs at my neck. It's nothing expensive, but it accentuates my position, a revolutionist. I wanted to fix up something cool for Saturday which matches my necklace, but it just so happens I have info-counter duty. Oh well, info-counter duty rocks! I don't know why, but its interesting being a cashier and contributing to the KOG on Saturdays, though I can't sit in the service. Well, RP2 can jolly well jump/scream/shout/respond for me! Come on, as a team!

We don't want to be FAT Christians, fat and lazy on the Word. We want to be FIT Christians, fed by the Word, healthy through exercising response to the Word.

And Wang Lee Hom's song's on Yes 933. Awesome.

The hand that descended from Heaven to pick my little hands. Descend some more as I raise my hands more.