THE CRAPPER SPEAKS
Saturday, August 19, 2006
First of all, thank God for Jason's taxi ride treat on friday! :) This sheep of mine has a heart of gold in terms of helping and caring for people. He has this real great desire to help and to provide for people who are in need...wahahaha a perfect candidate for missions' trips!
Speaking of missions' trips, I'm really excited for the upcoming missions trip to Malacca! Wahahaha, hope I get to go, really want to be impacted and fired up for God's ministry! Didn't really want to go for anything overseas initially because I ain't a very adventurous person as some of you know, but
I REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE IMPACTED! Within lies disatisfaction at my current status. RP will grow!
Okay now for more somber stuff.
I decided to have a little checkpoint for myself and how I've been for the past few months, to remind myself, as well as in the hopes it helps others.
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You know, I'm a sucker for worrying. I think 99% of people are like that too, so I'm not too bothered about it. *Problems anyone of us face are common to all* Well anyway here are some musings and incidents I've come to learn something, especially as a new believer.
As a new believer, I've always clung on tightly to my new found life in Christ, because of the change I've experienced. As a result, I constantly worried about backsliding and everything; I started to thank God for every single small thing. I started to thank God for allowing me to miss that little rock that I just nearly tripped over, for a bottle of water I got when I was thirsty. I mean it's perfectly okay to thank God for little things because these things make a difference but I started becoming legalistic. It became like
God and I under the coconut tree. Took me a long while to get over it, but at the end, I realised I don't want to be a prick because I ain't perfect.
And that's when I started including people into my life. My Care Group and friends. :)
There was once about 6 months ago I realised I've quieten down and become less "crazy" or fired up as before. I've also noted that in other brothers in church and I was worried that, you know, I'm like losing steam. It was only till later did I really it was perfectly normal, I can mellow down and still be passionate for God in a more subtle way.
It's not the action but the attitude.
And so on... Far too many to type down but ask me. ;)
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I grew and as the months passed, I became a shepherd and later a care leader, and I faced another common challenge.
Discouragement.
1. People backslide
2. Loneliness, because you have to be one step ahead
3. Caring for and motivating difficult people
4. Nervousness when I start on a role in Care Group
5. Worrying about not hearing from God
6. When everyone's down, you need to be the one up
7. Sacrifice
8. Encouraging people, with a heavy mind
9. Being a pillar
10. Personal personality mix
It starts to get overwhelming at times. I fear, get headaches etc. But guess what? I've learnt to be shameless in asking for help, from my shepherd and other leaders, as well as from God. Remembering my holy fear of losing all that God has given me. The Devil has been a tricky adversary. Always playing on my weaknesses.
But in Christ I am more than a conqueror! I've realised these struggles push me beyond what I can do. It's like RP PBL, my whole ministry. I'm not trying to do free promotion, but I really think it's made all the difference. The key I found out is to really take ownership of what you do. When you take ownership of your life, your ministry, your learning, your leading, you'll double the thought process, triple the effort and quadruple it all. I've realised that as I began to see RP 2 as my Care Group, and the people in RP ministry as my brothers and sisters, beyond just a name.
Do I look more serious? Do I look more scary? Do I sound more harsh? Ha ha, I can't afford wasting any more time than I am already. In a flash, Year 2 Sem 1's over. I'm seriously shocked at the rate time passes. Things are going to change, bigger shocks are coming by, life is speeding up. Direction? Vision? Goal? Ministry?
The greatest consolation I have, is that my standard of living has improved; I'm no longer living a life of routine and instant gratification. Neither am I in this alone, because when I truly open my eyes to observe, it could be a day just reading up on leaders' blogs, I know that I'm not alone...
To sum what I've learnt:
Sensitive beyond surface. Proactive.Don't expect to receive, but give. Then you'll give in joy.Love if you want to feel love. You only receive when you give.You aren't the centre of the universe. God is.Dream, talk, but please have action. Otherwise it's just gas.
Psychedelic;
7:56 AM
