I have a confession to make... I suck at programming. Wahahahaha. Let's see, my CG member, Shu Hui's birthday celebration was planned by me. Sadly, we had a very chaotic and simple celebration because I simply didn't know what to do during the celebration.
Today's Long Hu Men (Dragon Tiger Gate) movie outing was also a total programming disaster; everyone was bored to death by the 3 hour interval from end of school to the start of the movie. I'm so glad that we all enjoyed these two days though. See... it isn't all about the form and physical substance; it was about the heart! I WAS RIGHT! THANK YOU JESUS! WOOHOO! Ha ha, okay, getting abit excited le. Better stop. *lol*
So I've got to improve on programming. Remind me to take a hiatus from organising stuff that I'm not convicted of. I'll just screw it up. Ha ha. Got to admit, the movie wasn't that good. Basically see Dragon Wong (the blue shirt character) owning everyone. Pretty flat storyline and amateurish (in my own humble opinion) choice of video editing effects. I mean multicam split to portray the picking up of beads... what the? Boring! Almost fell asleep, with the air con and the comfortable seats... ahhh...
So Yan Xiang and Yong Ren and I were like at Bukit Batok having some makan. Really thank God for Yan Xiang. That brother's the limit, really know how to make me guilty. He treated me to like so much already; I'm terribly ashamed about my finances because of you okay! Ha ha. So we finished the meal, then, being the kind-hearted (YES I AM, NO NEED TO PUKE!) guy I am, I tried to use my cashcard to get a can of Heineken to share with Yan Xiang to celebrate our brotherhood in Christ. Guess what? I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY IN M CARD! *DELIRIOUS*... Omigosh. I was like red in the face. Short of 20cents! Argh. So in the end Yan Xiang paid, again. *bangs wall*
I guess remembering that Yan Xiang's going to NS soon made me all emo. Don't have to worry, I'm still okay, just a teeny weeny bit emo. Jeremy, Cecil(ia) and the few other brothers I've long grown attached to have gone in already. Noooo! Ha ha, but we're still connected by Christ! Okay okay, got to go now, I'm afraid my parents come down and scream at me, 3am in the morning... CIAO my precious blog!
Psychedelic; 12:01 PM
Sunday, July 30, 2006
So much things to do... so little time! Jesus help me plan and coordinate so I always have time for You! Wahahahaha, we should have a Unit blog for RP, one that will incorporate upcoming events and insights and revelations! That'll be so cool... Jason can do the blog skins, the CLs and ULas can do the insights and updates and Jesus can hold everything together!
Had a wonderful outing with Alina, Shu Hui, Dolphin, Yan Xiang, CYC and Yong Ren at the pool tables. Some are new people I've got to know; others are friends I've been through thick and thin. Life's an amazing journey; people come in and make footprints in your life that shape the way you see it; a kaleidoscope of interactions. I really hope to share the love of God to all who haven't received it yet, but I believe that God has His time. You'll do it when they're ready. Getting ready for the coming week. There's a movie-SOW event tomorrow, and some really cool changes happening in RP. I'm so amazed... But I know I must guard myself well.
I guess I just want to encourage several people here:
Kelvin (from my secondary school): You've been a wonderful brother to me; always eager to please God even though you acknowledge your shortcomings. I'm really amazed at your humility and your desire to make it right! Just want to say, you don't have to be too discouraged when things don't go the way it should be; we're similar in many ways... ha ha I really pray for your growth in your church; even though we may not be in the same ministries, I believe God can ork in both of us. Just keep your heads up and I'll see you at the finishing line!
Timothy Alvin: A very amazing brother you've been to me. I thank God for all the times you've seen me at a lost, and took a step to calm my nerves and show me what to do next. Sometimes we're both at a lost, but still you emerge the courageous one, doing your best for the Group. I'm sure it must have been tough for you, but I just want to say that you've made all the difference in my life; bringing me past the gates of Heaven into Salvation. You know, each time I want to give up, I look back at that day when I said yes to Christ and no to the devil, I can't help but say, I'm staying on, hanging on with You, God. It's heating up, and that's a good thing; you neevr know your limit till you've reached it. I've honestly felt an uplifting spirit after Saturday's test of faith and courage. Thank God for you, you can do more than you think. :D
And to all out there who have made an awesome impact in my life (and even if I've only met you once, you have), YOU ALL ROCK!
P.S. Yan Xiang, always thank God for you! You've help me lots!
Psychedelic; 9:47 AM
Saturday, July 29, 2006
You know, I'm glad God didn't give my heart's desire, rather what is good for me. I've realised that what we want changes and changes; because of sin, we are tempted by the temporal to bypass the eternal. We lost sight and become spiritually myopic, but in Jesus we regain our vision. Well, I can say that that was an extremely uplifting discovery.
Was talking to Tim a couple of days back. I've always been interested in evangelism; in particular, why I always fail spectacularly. It's true, I'm naturally oblivious to what other people's needs are, and I need to put in greater effort than most. I've been hungering for discernment for a long time already, and I'm glad as I grow in God I gain insights from here and there. Powerfully, RP2 had 2 visitors for service and 1 after service, thanks in great part to Yan Xiang...! Ha ha... I must learn from him his ability to express genuine care and concern. It's amazing how much I want to express something, yet it comes out in awkward splutters. Phleg-sang, what a weird personality. And thanks for that sharing yesterday Tim.
****
There was this old man who had a very special habit. Each morning, he would had down by the beach and pick up little starfish; those brought in by the high tide, but stranded on the beach as it became low tide. He'd pick and throw, pick and throw. One day, a young man came by and thought the old man had gone senile with old age.
He asked the old man, "Sir, why are you doing such a stupid thing?"
The old man replied, "Well, the starfish will die out of water."
"But there are millions of starfish on the beach; how can you save all of them? It doesn't make a difference!" the young man replied incredulously.
"Well,it made all the difference to this one," replied the old man, as he tossed a starfish into the ocean.
**** Adapted from an email I received.
Psychedelic; 11:21 PM
Friday, July 28, 2006
Today, I just want to "commemorate the memory" of two very wonderful brothers; Jeremy from NP ministry, and Cecil(ia) from Adult ministry (ex-TP ministry kia). Ha ha, they're on field training, absorbing the wondrous nature sights and smells. In short, they're smelling manure and looking at a forest full of creepy-crawlings, how luxurious... Mwahahahaha!
I still remember that overnight mahjong marathon we had and all the snacks and stuff. I still remember my objective for going was to learn how to plan for sleepovers and overnights for effective fellowship, LOL! Not very authentic eh? And because of the purpose, I was worried at first thinking that it might just go boring in a while... I'm amazed, they were real brothers to me, and to say the least, we enjoyed ourselves. And then there was that time at Sentosa where Jeremy and laid on the floating decks, staring into the sky, wondering what the future holds. We were supposed to plan an overnight there! Ha ha. And Kbox sessions! And pool training! And... LOL no idea liao! Ha ha. And Cecil was one of the first few I met when I first came to Nexus. Alvin's spiritual buddy I remember the first impression he gave me was that he had an awesome sense of humour. Almost every service we'd banter and lame around... NS sure takes us by surprise...
Ha ha. I don't know why but recently I've been having that weird scary grin (to others, that is, but is perfectly 'me' to me) all around. I guess it comes each time I think of how lucky I am. Guess I get easily awed by what I have. A plate of chicken rice is enough for me to start up a grin that lasts 5 mins? Ha ha, well, I see it this way. If I didn't have that plate of chicken rice, I'd still be with the hunger pangs and I certainly wouldn't be smiling! I guess it's my own mechanism for giving thanks for all that I have.
...It's no fun being toyed around by the Devil.
Psychedelic; 9:43 AM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
...Apologetics. Wahaha stupid post title. Apologetics simply mean the study of one's own faith. Refreshing. Went to this online post forum, because I was very stumped by the OT. Wahahaha there was this group of believers trying to prove Jesus is Christ to a group of Jews. Both points seem very convincing... but I recognised how literal and deep arguments go. Ultimately, the thing which got me was that while the OT had miracles, the latter group didn't seem to believe in miracles, kind of like lost the ability to see God's power. And I doubt their judgement if they brought God to their standard.
Had a wonderful birthday celebration for Shu Hui. Her sister and her close friend came. I'm pretty amazed today. Shu Hui treated us to KFC! Wow! Ha ha... Encouraged! Keep that spirit going! We had a wonderful time chatting and eating birthday cake; I ate roughly half of the 1kg cake! Ha ha, took a lot of lame photos and I showed them my lame, but real side. I guess it's much better this way; being real, unafraid of being outcast/rejected etc... ha ha, we are REAL people! Had a lot of fun and a few games; we even shared some of the cake with an uncle on a wheelchair called Henry. Interesting old man; I even surprised myself by asking for his name and while I didn't understand all of his chinese, we made small talk. Then we realised he was a believer! WOW!
And I was riled up about a possible Kbox outing! Woo hoo! I'm so missing Kbox! And the 'Long Hu Men' movie on Monday! Wahahaha...! It's going to be a time of SOWing and sharing! And that long overdue lunch/dinner at my dad's restaurant! ARGH, too many things to look forward too! Wahaha (pardon me, at this point, I've gone beyond excitement)!!!
*calms down* *clears throat* And that's all for today.
Anti-climax sia... -____-"
Psychedelic; 9:52 AM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
There's that silent, creeping feeling coming all over me. Something's coming.
Had an awesome time at RP 1 & 3's CG just now... but once again, I can't help but feel anger and weakness... at my inability to provide an awesome one for RP 2 & 4. It's not about encouraging me anymore... the root issue...! I'm quite amazed. Alvin did something at CG which I've tried weeks ago at my own; the results were polar. I don't know why? I guess there were too many chances we let slip here and there, and that amounted to something massive. Well, learning point.
I've always had this feeling all along; it seems like the stakes and the pace get higher and higher more than I can handle each time. It's fine... it's just that I often end up doing something I felt I could have done so much better with a little more training/advice? I'm hanging on a loose end here, going through some massive paradigm upheavals. How do you change an introvert into an extrovert? How do you change a pacifist into a biblical rebel? How do you ignite a traditionally fire-resistant soul? Perhaps I ain't sensitive enough, but I'm still waiting for an answer from God.
But I give thanks to God for giving me wonderful friends all around. I'm still pretty amazed at my guitar-playing progress, considering my natural inaptitude for the sonic arts. I guess He really makes all the difference. And the new canteen's been a real boon; at least we don't have to eat subhuman rations anymore; except when we choose to. :X I've even heard rumours of Subway and Pizza Hut opening in a month's time or so!
You know that little dilemma, whether to call the hurting sheep and calm his nerves temporarily, or give him the bitter pill fearing also for the worst? It doesn't help the world thinks you aren't doing enough. Come on!
Psychedelic; 9:55 AM
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Just came home from a day pack full of activities. I was surprised that class turned out interesting at the end of the day! Every team had innovative presentations, the STA way!
It's a pity my elective module Understanding Test was a killer. Imagine using Photoshop CS2 to do a poster complete with the elements and design principles incorporated in HALF AN HOUR! Killer paper...! And we had difficulties accessing the picture resources for the poster, resulting in a further 10 min delay! Talk about killer. Ha ha. Who cares anyway, I did my best. And besides, I had other stuff to look forward to.
After school I finally got to flex my now-rusty DotA skills with Jason (e. guitarist) and his classmates, Brandon and Ken. Not bad, considering I haven't played for months and was consistently gangbanged. Managed not to bring down my reputation. :X Go Windez! ha ha. That's besides the point. Made some observations about myself:
1. When I truly be myself and not pretend, sincerity creates magic. 2. Trust is mutual. I haven't been putting enough trust.
So for Jason and his wonderful friends (I doubt they're reading this, but I'll say it anyway), a big THANK YOU for the learning experience!
So we adjourned our little gathering at Sembawang MRT station, and I headed to the home of the famous Mr J.A. talk show host. Had an awesome (though tiring) experience with the electric guitar. I believe I can do it... after a lot of practice! ha ha. We did a very innovative video by first recording the audio and using it as a base for the video. I'm quite amazed at my portrayal of a... er... foreigner. Jason and I were laughing our heads off!
As with all things wonderful, our session came to an end, and I took (probably) one of the few remaining trains back home. Guess what I heard on Yes 933 as I walked home...? No wait, don't guess... I'll tell! It was a song by Zhang Xue You! Influenced by my dad; I love his songs. Awesome vocals and meaningful lyrics. It's a pity I suck at Mandarin; couldn't catch the title of the song, though I miraculously connected the tune barely one second into the song!
Woohoo... 2 UTs out of 3 UTs over for the week. 1 more to go!
Psychedelic; 9:18 AM
Monday, July 24, 2006
I'm so excited! I officially know FIVE DIFFERENT Jasons personally. There's Jason the drummer, Jason the electric guitarist, Jason the power ranger lover (*high five*), Jason the pool guy and Jason my cousin! But that's not what I'm excited about. I'm heading to Jason the e. guit's house after school for some (amateur) jamming!
Class today is as usual, boring. We're supposed to do a pitch; kind of finished it 3 hours early because I was afraid we'd overshoot the presentation time. So now I'm left with time on my hands. bor.............................................snore.
P.S. RP's new canteen r o c k s . . . ! ! !
Psychedelic; 10:02 PM
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Call me silly or what you wish. wahahahaha, I'm a testimony of foolish joy.
I used to wonder how come people can keep a smile on their faces inspite and despite everything they go through. Well, I haven't exactly found their reason why, but I've found my own reason why; I don't want to be a wasteful person. 60 secs to scowl, frown, pout, rail, simmer, then turn around and smile. There are way too many things to worry or be sad about. We only have 24 hours each day, how many are we going to spend without any profit? Give thanks to up our feel-good factor, then devote the rest of the time to building a reason to be happy.
I am an extremely egoistic person. When someone shouts at me, I start to get angry at the abuse. When circumstances turn darker, I start to despair. When I don't get the response I seek, I become discouraged. And when I think back, why am I the centre of my attention?
Way back I used to look at peoples' discouraged MSN nicks and feel for them, but it didn't get anywhere. Then I found Jesus and started to wonder why they didn't find Him. A few months later I started to encourage these people. I realised after a while it didn't work out; I ain't ultraman or something; I couldn't encourage all of them. Now I just feel like living my life as best as I can; with Jesus, so that I can show them that encouragement comes from Him.
But this is different from putting a false front. People can sense a pretense. Rather, be happy because you truly get it, and don't hide it within when you do.
I guess some practical pointers to start with would be to: 1. Give up your grudges 2. Desire to desire to have 3. Envision a positive goal 4. If you want to do it, do it to the best!
There's something mysterious about Jacob. I'm going to study him. :D
Psychedelic; 1:05 AM
Friday, July 21, 2006
Okay... My blog titles are getting more and more random/incoherent/superfluous, whatever you call it. Class, as I mentioned previously, was horrendously boring. The preparation part I mean. Presentation rocked. So did Tears of the Black Tiger. Cool movie; should find and watch it one day. Asian films do 'bite'. :P
And then there was the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. PS!!! All of you PS us!!! PFFFFTTT!!! Grrr... Rawr! Eat that! Am glad I watched it though. I fell totally into the fantasy world for that 2 1/2 hours. Add in the popcorn frenzy....YEAH, it couldn't get better, better... as in... erm, I think you get what I mean.
The rest must have been thinking I'd gone cuckoo after the movie. Kept grinning and stuff. I guess it's a result of my movie deprivation. Film Critique class doesn't count; I observe the films; I don't watch them for recreation. Anyway, back to the grinning part. I mean, I really was awed by the movie. The sheer effort it takes to create such a film; I mean, the looooong credits give you a brief idea already... I kind of liked the way it ended; promising a 3rd instalment!
I mean, I really really really felt lucky to have watched the movie; some people don't even have television to watch! Woohoo! *Don't mind my exuberance, not often you see me in a state of delirium... or not* Anyway, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley rock! Ha ha. Jesus rocks!
Psychedelic; 8:58 AM
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Random title. No idea what to put there. I'm seriously ROTTING.... in class. There's NOTHING to do! Games are boring. MSN is boring. Class is boring. Argh! The four white walls are driving me crazy T_T..."! It's seriously the first time in a long time that I can slack in RP... but I'm not enjoying it...! I can't self-entertain, I can only self-high! Someone NUDGE me and play games!
RP 1 & 3 CG today, but I sat in. Learnt a lot about CG... I mean, it was amazing just looking at how versatile the CG was. Bring it back. Help me divinely.
Centre.
Psychedelic; 10:18 AM
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Jesus. I need You. More than ever. I want to rely solely on You.
Evangelism today didn't reap much. Learning point: go earlier! Also have to prepare a new survey le... We did get to know a few friends from City Harvest Church. I only remember Jing Wei though. He's a cool year 1 guy who wants to know if there's a semi-religious IG. Too bad there isn't, it's forbidden in RP. But I'm really glad to get to know him! God's people rock, encouraged by him!
I'm still feeling the reverberating effects of the bus evangelism. Much more courage now, than before. I will see it through!
Had a cool chat with Jason the electric guitarist. We've got like 4 Jason's in RP, 2 in RP ministry so I'l call him Jason E from now on, LOL! Very encouraged by this brother's spirit of concern for people and straightforwardness. Looking forward to the video he made! He was so excited about it, and I'm very glad for him. You go and show them how it's done dude!
We talked about employment just now at Mac. Coincidentally, Sharon sms-ed me regard employment at Bravissimo. I hope they will hire me! Ha ha. I need to save for the missions trip. I ain't got a bank account to freely access. In fact, I've only just gotten my first cashcard with value (RP student card doesn't could, since I never used it as a cashcard)! Talk about primitive.
Read Ephesians 4:29 again. Unwholesome talk. Needs. Benefit. Key words. Out from the overflowing of the heart the mouth speaks. I need to start being less suaning ha ha. Culture must change. Specific on needs, to benefit them. I'll meditate!
Doodle, scribble, ponder, dream... Where? r u?
Psychedelic; 9:59 AM
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Made new friends today. I kind of forgot their names though, LOL! Had a wonderful pool session just now. Originally very reluctant to go. I kind of made an excuse of my lack of funds, but I had forgotten the fact that the cost was shared. Though I don't go crazy over the sport, I admit I kind of like it. Made many stupid mistakes; I could even misfire like more than 10 times, giving the rest a free ball once every like what... 5 rounds?!
Above all, I really thank God for the opportunity to be around non-believers and enjoy it. A few times I witnessed my own indecisiveness. I'll take note! Yesterday's bus evangelism trip has really made a great impact; I realised I've become more courageous than before. Praise God! And now, I've got a new verse to meditate on; Ephesians 4:29! Suggested by Joyce from the High School group who coincidentally is a classmate of our non-believer friend and a testimony to how God can change peoples' tongues to speak encouragingly. Wahahahaha. I was just suan-ing my shepherd. :X Not everyone has the privilege okay; it's called personalised treatment.
Wahaha saw a breakthrough today; I was pretty surprised my prayers were answered so quickly. I hope it snowballs. Glad for the person. Perhaps next time I'll share.
On the worship side of things; I'm having trouble with my guitar! It seems like my phenomenal progress was just a short-lived one. Oh well, I'm going to buck up on my training. Guitarist for Christ! Woohoo! I sure suck right now, but I won't when I'm through with it!
And thank God for all who are praying for me, caring for me, and trusting me. Jesus is alive! Woohoo.
._. There's this squirmy feeling in my stomach. ._.
Psychedelic; 8:41 AM
Monday, July 17, 2006
If this isn't faith-expanding, I don't know what is! WE SHARED CHRIST ON THE BUS JUST NOW! Woohoo! Feeling exuberant now! DMM was a short one; Nel sent us out to share Christ on the public buses in groups of 3-4. I was with Faith and Xue Ting.
The whole experience was nerve-wrecking. Imagine sitting there on the upper deck of the bus with everyone looking non-chalant and you yourself feeling as if you're going to melt like ice-cream anytime. I was like, "God, must I really?" I didn't have any other excuse; I was too liquid to think of any. I just said, "God, you put words into my mouth, you lead me like you lead Reinhart Bonnke." And off I went. I stood up feeling like a total lunatic...for Christ.
As I began to share, my faith grew. Not many people were listening; some looked away while others got annoyed. Thankfully a few looked at me thoughtfully. A couple who were believers started to alight and as they did, the brother told me, "Brother, I admire your faith." It meant the world while I was there pouring my heart out for Christ, my defenses stripped away. It wasn't long before a lady told me, "I think it's very dangerous for you to be standing while the bus is moving." Full of the Spirit, this time, I replied, "Okay, I'll share while seated then." I felt for the lady when she turned away in annoyancel, because Jesus loves her too.
When I had said my piece, another lady believer applauded, "that was perfect." I knew it wasn't, but I know up there, just as with the lady, Jesus is proud. Not because I've done a miracle or something, but because I obeyed. Though no one was saved today, I believe something inside me stirred. I saw believers whom I didn't know become strengthened by my actions, and I praise God for that.
Thank you Nel, for saying, "Let's be revolutionary," and for initiating it all. You rock. You all rock. Jesus rocks.
Psychedelic; 9:22 AM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
I suddenly feel the extreme urge to write about my weekend rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. I don't know about anyone else, but it seems to me that Service day and Sunday are always the days when I struggle the most. Seems to me the devil is very wise (in the world's standards), attacking at the point where it most matters; spiritual imput. And I can't force feed the Word to anyone, but perhaps to encourage them.
Today was bad. I came out feeling like a loser, honestly. Attendance at Water Baptism, dismal, I'm sorry to say. And I've people who have the cheek to ask who else didn't go. Why not ask yourself, "why didn't I go?" Chew on that, I'm not going to be nice; the time for niceties is up.
And then something surprised me. Sam asked me to join them for a game of soccer. I'm really really grateful he did that; it still amazes me how much I was affected by that simple gesture. And Lennon, Ming Kuang and the other guys were friendly too! I had an awesome time.
At this point I'd like to confess something; I'm extremely unfit. I mean, I haven't played soccer for like 4 years and I haven't exercised seriously for like close to 2 years. Barely 10mins into the game I was grasping my chest, out of breath. I'm glad controlled breathing helped a lot though, so I managed to last till the first player switch. And the brothers were really gracious, encouraging me all through the match. And that whole incident inspired me a lot ... I've got some ideas, he he.
And then I went on to salvage a situation. I still remember fidgeting all through the bus ride, wondering what other options I haven't exhausted. I still don't know whether I succeeded or failed. I've gone to the point of even crying straight right out at him. Take control, little dude... I don't know what else to do, except that I do have a plan for what to do from now on. Energy management --> Bombastic word; can I make it so?
Jasmine once said this; I have merciful eyes. LOL! And I've been pondering about that. Why so? And if so, how does that help? I mean, I don't want merciful eyes for the sake of having merciful eyes; they should be of use! (If anyone doesn't understand, either ask Jasmine, look at my eyes or just ignore this paragraph. x_x)
Thank God for all the people around. I'm feeling very much better than just now.Thank God for my little catch-up with my secondary school friends. You guys mean the world to Jesus. Can I be the vessel?
Psychedelic; 8:58 AM
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I loved Holy Communion duty. It's a once in every *insert duration* thing. So bonds the team together! And I love my infocounter ministry! I used to think Kar Shun was shy and reserved. Used to. That guy's a pretty great joker! Ha ha. Kept hiding in the cupboard during duty. Had a bash at infocounter. It's a pretty awesome ministry, getting to know the people you serve. The only downside is that I've got to miss the service, and my CG... hmm.
The battle of the producers fight was a close one... but Jesus won. Above all, it wasn't about who won, but that God showed me a really wonderful thing; I can be significant. Both Alvin and I were pretty satisfied with our videos and that's all that mattered.
Had a great talk with Alvin. Has been ages since we last talked like that. I'm not sure you noticed, Tim, but I teared towards the end. I felt really really blessed having a brother like you and a ministry like RP. It's really an awesome responsibility. It took a paradigm shift to let me see what mattered.
I want the pics okay!
The train ride was cut short by a little humourous situation. I was sort of standing there and from of me there stood a guy who looked, well, erm... interesting. I'm pretty sure Xue Ping and her friend was having a pretty good laugh over at the other end of the line, but I certainly wasn't. I mean, o_O..."! Okay okay, I shouldn't judge. Still looked pretty freaky though. Glad we didn't get off the same stop! LOL!
So I've reached home, and everything seems kind of quiet. I'm pretty sure the rest are having fun over at DXO but who cares? I'm going to go do something productive now, and it's not sleep. Hehe.
:D
Psychedelic; 8:51 AM
Friday, July 14, 2006
You know how the mind always works faster than our actions. And how there's this thing in the air which screams," slow down!" It took me much to get my creative juices flowing. It took me, I'd say, a death unto myself to really do the video. It's like, I love the finished product, but I don't want to go through the grueling process. I face it; I'm lazy as anything. And honestly, I doubted my skills as an editor. I mean, come on, no experience, no training, no skills, lack of creativity, I couldn't see any result.
I took an extended sleep, a prayer directed at my work, a promise to give the glory to God, a whole segment of my time just observing the videos others did, toying around with Windows Movie Maker and numerous break in between. I could have avoid most of them if I had more faith, perhaps save the prayer and giving glory to God.
So I laboured. The teaser came out much better than I expected, and I was excited. But that wasn't enough to motivate me to completing the clip. There was so much internal battle within; so much struggling with doing the video and giving up halfway. Then suddenly, I lost it. It's funny how each time a breakthrough happens when I decide since I've started it, I'll end it. I was even on the verge of restarting the whole editing process.
But now, 15 hours later, I'm really glad I didn't. The clip came out pretty fine. I'm very honoured to complete with Alvin. He's sort of the one who inspired me to all this. Since the Bash Camp, I'm grateful for all these times. When he brought me to salvation, I'm sure he didn't expect all this.
Power-packed. I stand on shaky feet. Delirious.
When I look at myself, I see the opposite of Paul. His faith, perseverance, stature, drive, reliance on God, self-denial, contentment.
****
I never wanted to be an elder brother, but that's plain selfish. I've always wanted to be the younger, protected one. I've always looked up at my elder brother as the alpha-male. From the "treasure maps" to the "treasure island", I've always looked upon him with awe. It came to a point I realise on hindsight, I totally ignored my younger brother. To me, my elder brother was all it mattered. I still wonder where those food recipes we took for treasure maps are now. And in those tiny grass patches we took for treasure islands, a single 1-cent coin or bottle cap meant the world. Every computer game I sat by my elder brother's side, being his chief advisor and strategist, while keeping on the lookout for any hotspots through the radar. That's how I learnt how to keep a close watch and even base my sight on my radar nowadays. Should anything wrong come about, I knew my elder brother would always be at the controls, steering through every rough patch. And when it came time for kindergarten, I cried terribly when I got lost on the way home or something. I guess that's what spawned my bad sense of direction; dependence.
Deep inside, more than a decade's worth of reliance can't be erased that quickly. Each time I'm faced with a trouble ahead, I reminisce about the days when my hands were small. It didn't help; it always made me feel small.
God brought a fresh new breath into my life. He came in and set upon me a replacement elder brother (Alvin) and sister (Pearline) into my life, to get me on my feet. But unlike the elder brother I've grown out of; they didn't stop at helping me through my life as were a guardian; they taught me how to be the elder brother, and that I should always be mindful that in the case I get flustered, there's always Dad from on high. Sometimes it still is hard, but I must say I prefer my current life to the sheltered one before. What if I were a little boy in a man's body all my life? No, I don't think I could forgive myself; let alone live with it.
****
Psychedelic; 10:01 AM
Battle Of The Producers
A little promo I made! Stay tuned for the finals; Saturday 15 2006!
Psychedelic; 4:52 AM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I've officially been a guitarist in CG today! Not worship guitarist yet, but that's a start! I mean, the whole group of us started off learning at the same time, but we all petered out one after another. Thank God for the lack of a guitarist in my CG, kind of like a motivation for me!
And I've started to appreciate harmonising music. Think "Penny & Me" by Hanson. I still remember listening to that song on the radio in sec4, when I was studying for my O lvls in school at night. Man it was cool! Nostalgia, nostalgia!
Next up, I want to learn how to cook! I also want to brush up on my photoshop skills! Today's animation class was cool; forced to learn a new editing style by PBL. Fruitful though; I still remember the commands by heart, after having replicated the same commands over 10 times, and using the action buttons over 40 times!
Command: Open picture. Ctrl-J (copy background). Ctrl-Shift-U (Halftone pattern on background copy). Ctrl-J (copy background). Ctrl-I (Invert background copy 2). Change background copy 2 overlay to color dodge. Gaussian blur (I used 10.0 units for this particular project) to finish.
To make use of the action buttons, open the History window and go to the Action tab. Create new Action and follow the commands above. End action record. Now each time you load a picture, all you have to do is click play Action and everything gets does just the way you set it. Pretty neat; good for mass-production, especially for our stop-motion-esque animation. :D
Psychedelic; 9:50 AM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
I need some animation. Can see cobwebs in my hair. It's quite a contradiction; an animation class but the animator needs to be animated. Okay never mind, that was random.
I really really didn't want to go to school today; Elder brother took leave and younger brother had MC.
And now I'm stuck in school doing photoshop... I'm really looking forward to the weekends!
Psychedelic; 8:01 PM
You know what's the reason why we always feel lethargic and weak and low on faith? Because we do things for the sake of doing, we give our very heart and soul into what we do. And as if that is not enough, discouragement comes and saps our energy. But why then, do others not feel as bad as us? Several simple reasons:
1. We take ourselves important far too much. 2. We don't refresh ourselves enough.
It's far too easy getting moody and angry and helpless when we are put down or when we fail at something. I mean, what else can we do when everything seems bad? What we think and feel becomes what is real. Pity. If Jesus did, we'd be worse off than we are now. I can cite so many different examples; getting wrongly accused of things I didn't do, doing all I can in my current state but yet being blamed as if I've done nothing at all, getting bullshit and being ignored for concerned shown. But all these are common to everyone else! What right then do I have if others don't? Don't compare troubles; you'll just end up feeling more troubled. Compare blessings! The fight that I didn't get into yesterday, thanks to restraint brought by the Holy Spirit, the face I didn't slap even though I was boiling inside; all these I've never managed before I manage now by the grace of God. What about you? Always relate it to yourself.
It's easy to just go home and chat and in general pass life. It's hard making the effort to pray to Him who we do not see, or read His Word. It's easy to hide all of our private lives. But it will all show. It doesn't take a genius; all it takes is a simple word from God to unveil pretension and a carefully crafted facade. I hate the attitude," Don't like it? Then don't do it!", more so because I myself struggle with it. I mean come on, don't blame others, don't grieve others for what you don't want to do. I can't imagine the pain God feels from all of us, if I can be grieved so easily by one similar to myself. Pray, pray, pray! I'm very much more imperfect and fragmented than others, but God uses the foolish to shame the wise. I'm trying to change, shouldn't you too?
If you see problems; seek to change them, not complain. Judge and be judged, improve and be improved.
Psychedelic; 1:21 AM
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Somehow I've got super-heightened senses after that super long extended (in my case) prayer. I suggest you try it; pray for your whole Unit person by person. You'll see what I mean. Along the way I started to have revelations over each individual too! I start to see the potential and thank God for each of them. Bible-reading was also a much more joyful time after that.
And before the Holy Spirit left me, I started practising my guitar; almost flawless strumming. How, I don't know. My mom was commenting it was pretty good even. It was a pity I hadn't memorised my chords well, so I was restricted to 1 or 2 songs. Oh well.
1/2 hour till I have to go to sleep.
Hope that strengthens!
Psychedelic; 8:24 AM
I don't know why, I just feel like praying for everyone all over again. Yeah, a nightly prayer for a fruitful day!
Yesterday night, while I was praying, it suddenly came to my mind; why do we always look downcast as if we want to go to hell, but not upwards as we really want to go to heaven?
Had a hard time denying myself today. I really want to think beyond myself, beyond criticism and into my purpose. Evax was fruitful today! While walking home just now, I really thanked God and prayed that He becomes the centre of my life. The true core. Was also very encouraged that my classmates Jie Han and Janice went for Campus Crusade meeting today!
Maybe I ain't good with words. Maybe I don't got courage. Maybe I'm the weakest link in the universe. Still You chose me. And so far, I've never seen You let down anyone, nor ever will.
:D Right now, a smile is all I want.
Psychedelic; 6:49 AM
Monday, July 10, 2006
So terribly boring. My eyes are watering. Wish I'd skipped today's class. Feels as if we're doing Year 1 Cognitive skills and Communication skills all wrapped in one today. Research skills. Tell me about it.
And when I'm bored, my mind starts to wander. So does my heart.
Maybe I should come up with an emergency list of what to do during boring lessons.
Teach me a lesson about You today.
Psychedelic; 10:32 PM
I'm going to start a prayer chain. Holy Spirit spill forth Your renewal and revival on everyone. Every RPian to be refreshed. Let's get this rolling throughout God's people!
RP Campus: Jason (Drummer), Dao, Zheng Xi, Alvin, Windez, Shu Hui, Heng Yu, Crystal, Jovin, Jason (Guitarist), Jerrome, Cedric, Wei Jian, Avril, Martin, Sharon, Elaine, Varun, Ming Li, Jasmine, Jeremy, Yan Xiang.
2 souls per CG in 3 weeks. We need a miracle. God is real, we will believe.
Empower my mouth, as You blessed Isaiah. Give me courage, as You gave Joshua. Instill in me diligence, as You did in Elisha.
I fear making mistakes because I haven't grasp the truest love that brings forth courage. I deny myself in the face of criticisms, but I cannot deny that it affects me greatly. But above all, I praise You now as I did when I first received You into my life. This is no joke. Each day the Devil tempts me with challenges I cannot help but hold onto You. I know now I am less than nothing without You. Make my life a testimony.
Psychedelic; 8:16 AM
Sunday, July 09, 2006
I feel I seem to know nothing at all. I don't seem to know what to think, what to do. But thank God for that inspiration of having a World Cup survey. I was thinking really hard about a possible topic for evangelism and if it were not for His prompting, I'd probably have taken one of those overused topics from before.
We had a little lunch celebration at Pizza Hut for Heng Yu's 19th birthday. It was a pretty quiet ceremony. Wish I had more creativity and $$$; might have been a more explosive celebration. Sorry little buddy, I suck at organising stuff. I promise to improve though! Took off for CT Rally straight after that.
CT Rally was awesome, though only Jovin and I represented RP. I'm kind of disappointed; the last Rally only Jerrome and I attended. I mean, it's not the number, but does it show anything about us and our commitments? I kind of get the feeling I'm expending time, not spending quality time on ministry.
So the leaders prayed for us. Was really glad Jovin was on stage with me. I kind of freaked out; there was no fore-warning. I'm glad though, that we did it the RP way; we did it together. Pearline's left a legacy of togetherness and a certain familial spirit within RP, but it seems to be fading. We need true compassion for our people!
I seem to have many doubts about myself and my abilities. It's a trying task, but I was strengthened by Ee Lee, a High School Hope leader who shared her testimony on stepping out in faith with regards to her gift of tongues and interpretation. Left me wondering, what's there to fear if even the impossible is achieved?
After the conclusion of the Rally, we went off back to PS to grab the birthday cake. Thank God for TP, even though I always "suan" them. They really made our day by joining us as we cut the cake. And you all who are reading this, a BIG THANK YOU! Heng Yu was tearing on the way back. The company was a balm to my heart too. That's what I want my group to be; one that cares. You have given me a goal to work to, TP!
Many thoughts threatened to catch my attention on the train ride home, but I blocked off the rest save two:
1. Remember to thank the people who made the celebration a success. 2. What's next?
And then I was cut off. Curfew, rules.
...Ah well, it's time for class.
Psychedelic; 11:16 AM
Friday, July 07, 2006
The debate is finally completely PREPARED! Mwahahahaha. Andrew, Cedric, Cherish, Yin Luan and myself slogged hard for this day. Contemporary Church WFL is so happening! We had a Q&A session last week, having a debate this week and are going to the pubs soon! Now the purpose isn't to get drunk and experience a hangover, but to understand on field what it means to tackle clubbing issues.
And once again I'm amazed by the progress with my classmates. It's only been a week since I didn't feel like going to class. But I did, I received counsel from my facilitator and I worked on it! The result is awesome, I can't thank God enough! I mean, imagine, one of the few classmates I never thought I could ever talk to, I did! How cool is that? And I've began to learn more about them; sometimes I've just got to learn to open my life to them... WOW!
And I was very encouraged by Andrew yesterday night! I think it'd be a good idea if us CLs all band together and create a strong encouragement and support group to grow together! Let's go at that dudes!
Didja know trivia: Care Leaders are known corporately as Team Captains. o_O"!
Psychedelic; 7:43 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Woke up to an aching body and an extremely sore throat. Add in the rain and my lack of sleep. Anyone in my shoes might have just gone back to sleep. Nevertheless, I had this excitement and desire to attend classes. Don't ask me why; you won't get a satisfactory answer, just as I myself haven't. I mean, it's crazy!
So I did attend class. Enjoyed most of the day. I mean, we had some fun and games because of some MoneySense booth. I even realised what a shot I was! ha ha. I used to believe I couldn't aim because of my eye condition. Guess not. Mwahahaha.
Had shepherding after school. I was supposed to get a haircut too, but they closed earlier than I had expected! *hmph* So I'm stuck with that nerdy-looking retarded hairdo. Well that's all going to change tomorrow, because I've made an appointment! Wahahahaha.
Met Jie Han, a fellow classmate from a different church, on my way home. It was a pleasant surprise; encouraged me tons. He has a very positive outlook on life and people; a product of God's grace! Amen! ha ha. Really thank God that he was there not only to pass the boredom, but encourage and enlighten me on the ongoings in class. And God is faithful. From the day I decided I'd change my perspective of my classmates, things have really been transforming. God is good!
And that marks the end of Thursday, July 06, 2006 in my life!
Psychedelic; 9:39 AM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Life in RP
Tim Alvin made this. I think it full exemplifies why it means to be an RPian in Hope Ministry. God is good, I teared, but not so much for my numerous hairstyle fiascos, as for all that has happened.
To Alvin: You Rock! To Jesus: You Rock FOREVER!
Psychedelic; 10:29 AM
I don't think I can be a professional gamer. Guess I don't have the patience to. I like to get into the game, do some major ownage, then get out of it before the smoke clears. And I absolutely can't stare at the screen fighting the same old monsters over and over again, or restarting the round like every 5mins. So, ya, it ain't fated. I guess just playing it well will have to suffice. :X
I'd like to have a shot at being a teacher, though I don't know why. I mean, isn't it cool shaping the next generation to being one of a Godly character. Besides, I don't mind sharing my pay during class treats; least I get to feel younger! *Alarm* On the other hand, I ain't very much of an educator. Oh well.
I love English. I love words. I love the way a twist in words bring about a whole new meaning to the sentence and how each and every alphabet makes a difference. I love grammar and prepositions. I love expository and argumentative writing. I think I'm going to be a journalist! That's if I learn to love the research and bibliography part. - _ - "...
Oh boy, I'm out of ideas. Maybe I shall go and work in the church office. *faints* HA HA
Psychedelic; 8:32 AM
Monday, July 03, 2006
I used to think info-counter ministry was something very mediocre. I'm glad I know otherwise now. Went for a little briefing at Nexus just now, updates on some stuff. Pretty cool for a first time! I must have had the weirdest name there, because they had me repeated my name 4 times over, LOL. Anyway, just want to share some insights on my ministry, which I've come to grow fond of.
It isn't about the glory, its about the people we meet, the people we converse with. I mean, just standing there seeing people buying encouragement cards to bless others, buying resources with which to supplement their intake of God's Word or even paying their tithings and offerings keeps me encouraged. These are the same people I am and will grow with all the way! I guess the rest must've been wondering why I was so hyper on my shift; it's an opportunity to serve! I kind of miss having duty already! LOLZ.
Scrambled... The puzzle.
Psychedelic; 9:48 AM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
****This section of the post is days' overdue****
Oh my....................God. Jerrome's contact, Jun Long, betted and won 7 games in a row. SEVEN World Cup games. He even went to the extent of betting all his $100 earnings on the Germany match. Now he's $200 richer. Darn.
Guess I've been brainwashed by Jerrome and his Oliver Kahn paraphernalia. Germany rocks! Imagine three crazy guys, Vincent, Ming Kuang and myself staring at the little lag-infested laptop, watching the match through an extremely unreliable streaming station. It was a sight to behold. Us 3 I mean. :P Finally saw the wild sight of those two. I mean, Vincent's usually cool-headed as a cucumber. :X
I was pretty surprised by the strength of the Argentine camp. It's a pity their replacement goalkeeper lost them the game, and any chance of a shot at the title. Well anyway I guess we've gotta pity that guy; he's probably going through hell with his dismal performance. Can't really blame him or anything, its probably the pressure and all. Besides, I can't say I can play better than him.
**** The overdue portion ends here****
Yawn. Had a long night's sleep; 14 hours. Haven't had that in months. Speaks volumes about my disdain for sleep (More time you sleep, less time you have to do things, but don't quote me on that!). Couldn't join the rest for the whole of the CL retreat; curfew. I mean, 11pm curfew???!!! *faints* I did manage to join them for the dinner though. 3 bowls of porridge (all half eaten, 'cos we shared!). Boy did I feel like a bag of water.
I guess I felt a bit weird hanging around with the CLs. Felt out of place and all. But I thought about it and prayed to God.
On a more serious note, I really thought hard about things. Seems like I've really got some things against my dad. I guess the curfew just made me lose it all. I keep wondering, is it my pride, or is it really my dad? Didn't help that he treats my feedback and rebellion. Oh boy, I've got quite a mess to handle...
Jesus guide me.
Psychedelic; 4:26 AM
CRAPPER Vital Statistics:
Name:Windez Elisha Tay Khian Wui
First Cry:21st Dec 1988
LIKES:
chicken(all sorts, chicken rice, chicken chop etc...)
to scribble
fill the world with my words
disLIKES:
all things dairy(my evil nemesis)
failures
to guess and second-guess?
