THE CRAPPER SPEAKS
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Somehow it came back to me once again. The dream I had yesterday night. I think that's why I had a *good* 12 hour sleep.
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The Massacre (My Experience With Death)
Tension hung heavy in the air. There was little doubting it, the tiniest spark would eventually erupt into the bloodiest of war. Everyone stared in bated breath as the verdict was cast.
"We attack now!" My heart froze. The culling blade had just been released. "The soverign state of Ci will not be slighted any further!"
Everyone withdrawn into their houses as the tanks rolled in, taking centrestage of the bloodshed which was about to take place. I was utter terrified; I had never seen a war before. I couldn't think of anything to do while our forces attacked the state of Jae. All that separated the inevitable was a craggy slope that lay before the encroaching tanks. In an utterly selfish thought, I was glad that I would be on the safe side of the war. I was, after all, on the attacking side.
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The bloodshed was truly abhorrent. Death lay at all corners of the state of Jae. Yet the irony of it all lay apparent: Ci had lost the war. The state of Jae had played its cards well. The ambush was perfectly orchestrated. No one could see what was coming. Not a single soul lay in sight when the tanks had breached the main city gates. All that was left was empty houses. Then, without warning, a barrage of artillery fire rained down. The resultant damage was collossal. Mangled bodies lay all around. Yet even though I wasn't onsite, I could strangely see every single grotesque image in my mind. I could picture the frozen expressions contorted in a mask of horror.
In spite of all that happened, there was no time to mourn. We all knew the consequences. The state of Jae had long been suffocating our state. All had changed since we renounced a lift of excesses and embraced a community of love and faith. Sadly, having a geographical plan as compact as ours, we were all sitting ducks for the retaliation that was to come; our state was surrounded by naturally impassable terrain, save the slope. We were granted meagre supplies in exchange for exorbitant tribute by the state of Jae. Oh how we prayed. Each villager came out of their houses and laboured in prayer. There was nothing we could do. The four walls seemed to get closer each passing minute.
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By some miraculous happening, I felt a voice call me, " Windez, you can choose either to stay here and die, or leave with Me." The implication was strong, yet so was the temptation. I would be leaving everyone else to die in the hands of the enemy, while I escape unharmed. Yet I too knew I didn't want to die. The words rang in my mind, "Stay here and die, or leave,
Stay here and die, or leave. There will be consequences." In utter desperation I called out," I want to leave!"
I felt an uplifting of my soul, but as I escaped the mortality of my body, I could see the menacing advancement of the enemy force in my heightened awareness. Something overwhelmed me, and I saw what I didn't before.
I was meant to be here. I will see it through.Before the process was completed, I called once more," No! I want to stay. In spite of all, I want to stay and see this through. I don't know why, but I want to be here, even if it means dying. I will die for this cause!" In a flash, the process was reversed, and the voice left me.
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I looked out. In no time, the state of Jae had its own armada charging straight at us. Having been left defenseless by our failed attempt, all we could do was to wait as destruction swooped down upon us. Then, as the enemy force arrived, we were surprised; no one was harmed. They made every effort to calm our nerves. Rounding up everyone, they took us for a roll-call at the city square.
"Relax, you'll all be fine," a soldier called out. "Now, is everyone accounted for?"
"Yes, sir!" came the reply from another.
"Well then..." As the first soldier started, I felt an uneasy sense of fear wash all over me. "...Let's get the party started!"
We stared in horror, as the soldiers raised their rifles and started to spray hails of bullets at us. How I ran. I hard I ran. Everything turned ethereal from that point. I saw familiar, shockingly familiar faces collapsed. Bludgeoned. Faces of betrayal. As the bullets pounded, the people crumbled. Suddenly, I felt a bullet rip through my flesh. Then came another, and another, yet another. My body lost all strength and as I yielded, I could see the cold, menacing faces on the soldiers. Each one looked utterly gleeful at the massacre.
"Misguided zealots. Look at what your faith has done to you!" a soldier shouted.
Then I woke up. Gulping in mouthfuls of air, I struggled inside. My heart raced at the whole scenario. I got up and washed up and now, hours later, I shudder. There's still that little ache there in my left shoulder. Right where the first bullet connected.
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It was real. Or at least it felt real. I thought I was about to die. I heard a voice in my dream-state ask me if I'd leave if I had the chance. I took the chance, but later changed my mind. I would stay. I did, and if that dream was real, I'd have died. I don't know if in reality I would make the same choice, but that sure felt like reality. Sunday, May 28, 1.13pm. I will never forget this day.
Psychedelic;
9:50 AM
